God's Faithfulness in Cali.

From the last entry, we were about to start apartment and job hunting. A lot has happened in those three months.

Apartment Hunting
I did lots of searching online, and we drove around several areas in Orange County that we thought might work out. Yubo really wanted to start off at the Mike Diamond shop he had started in, so it really limited where we would live.

Also, Yubo had committed to being on a friend's basketball team that plays every Sunday, so that made it feel like we had to stay south also. Oh, the arguments that decision caused (perhaps in another "Struggles..." entry).

When we realized that all the apartments in our price range placed us in fairly scary neighborhoods, Yubo finally let me drag him to some places outside of OC. Long story short, we ended up in La Verne in a newly remodeled apartment at a great price that accepted cats, in a clean neighborhood across the street from City Hall, and most importantly, across the street from an In-n-Out.

Really, we were pretty amazed at how great the area was. Several things within walking distance (movie theater, market, food). I don't really like that it's also across the street from a high school, but thankfully we don't really get caught up in that traffic.

The apartment is roughly 30-40 minutes from either set of parents, so the option to visit is made easier. I'm personally still not quite there yet, but it helps to not be able to make distance an excuse.

Job Hunting
Yubo really didn't need to hunt, but to be honest, it would have been much better if he didn't put off getting a job. But after some phone calls, he got an interview and was hired at the Pomona shop, just 20ish minutes away from the apartment.

Job hunting was obviously worse for me, and for some reason, Yubo didn't realize how long it would take me to get a job, thinking I'd quickly be the steady income we'd need.

But thankfully, the Lord once again provided. I got hired as a front desk person at a vocal coaching studio, and I've been really excited about it. As of this post, I just had my first day of work yesterday, and the grand opening of the studio is this weekend, after which I start an actual schedule. It's only part time, but the pay is fairly good, and since it's a new studio, there's loads of room for growth. My boss even said that everyone she hired, she considered everyone's potential to do something more.

The financial struggles have been a bit staggering. We've received so much help from both sets of parents that I actually resorted to asking friends, which, of course, really worried them. Yubo ended up asking his parents again, and I let my friends know that what we needed more was prayers (which I'm sure we got an outpouring of, and it totally helped).

We're (very) slowly but surely getting on our feet. Just hoping we can get to a point where we're saving again, and then hopefully we can repay our parents even a little bit of what they've given us during this time. We just feel like, being able to pay them back something will be the marker that shows we're ok now.

Church
Mostly because of Yubo's basketball thing, we've settled on staying at his old home church. I'm still a bit reserved about it because everyone's known Yubo since he was born. The church seems smaller than Lighthouse, and so it seems everyone knows everyone. If you're new, you stick out like a sore thumb, and it's a bit overwhelming for someone as shy as I am...... especially when Yubo leaves me alone to socialize with his old friends.

Before we moved, I was telling Yubo how I thought it'd be good for us to just be regular congregation members for a while. With how involved I was at Lighthouse, I had realized it had become a bit difficult for me to stop working at church, and simply worship when I wasn't assigned to do anything. So I thought the break would allow us to regain that aspect of a Sunday morning.

When that first Sunday came, I already missed Lighthouse, and I missed serving. I was scared that I couldn't just plug in to Anaheim because of how close their congregation is, and they don't know me. I think my laments finally got to Yubo, because he set us up to talk with the head and associate pastors.

We had those "meetings" just recently. Dinner with P.Shin last week was fun. It was a really good "getting to know you" conversation, and helped me feel more at ease with the thought of being at Anaheim. Learned fun little tidbits too, like how P.Shin was roommates with P.Wayne at one point.

Lunch with P.Nancy before then was very fulfilling. We talked with her about what we did at Lighthouse, and she was very keen to see how we could be used at Anaheim. She was so excited, in fact, that Yubo and I were a bit scared (aside from our own excitement) at how quickly and to what degrees we might be able to serve.

Yubo actually hasn't determined how committed he would be. With work and basketball already, he thinks he'd probably stick to the occasional special request, like this morning's story reading.

I, on the other hand, feel the need to be about as involved as I was with Lighthouse. I gained so much from P.Keith and his teachings and training, and I still really want to be a worship director. Well, at Anaheim, that might happen much sooner than I thought. The current worship directors are planning to be missionaries in Japan within the next few years. My mind is pretty blown at how beautifully God set this all up.

Anyway, I feel like I can't say much yet since nothing's really set. But I'm excited to see where this all goes. I want to put to use all these things God has given me and taught me.

Family
Just a quick blurb about this. I certainly don't see an immediate resolution to this, but as God strengthens my heart, it seems He's been softening my dad's. I feels it's been more stressful than necessary, as my sister and my mom push me to reconcile, and I keep having to tell them that this is a process I have to go through. No, it's not as bad as what happened between him and my sister, but that doesn't mean it's automatically easier.

I feel like what they want to happen with me regarding my dad is what I feel my dad expects every time he asks about my weight. I'm sorry I haven't lost 60 lbs since the last time we talked last month. I'm sorry I'm not automatically skinny again as soon as you ask the question.

Obviously, I know that's not what he really expects, but that's how it feels. And actually, I'm not sure I can say that's not what my sister and mom expect. But anyhow, I know God's working on that too. And I also have the support from Yubo and his parents.



I think that's about where we're at. Whoever still reads this, thanks for wanting to keep up. And of course, please keep those prayers coming.

The struggles we've overcome: Moving back to Cali

Well, Yubo is out with friends for a bit tonight, so I will use this opportunity to write about this new chapter in our lives.

Forgive me for this long post -- I'm too lazy to separate it out into separate posts.

The Decision
A LOT of prayer went into this decision, at least on my part. Yubo had been wanting to move back down to Cali for a long time... probably as soon as work started going downhill. So he was just waiting on me to agree. I suppose, in that sense, there was also quite a bit of prayer coming from his side as well.

During a slightly tense conversation in the car concerning the matter, God went ahead and told me to go. Despite Yubo being a bit freaked out by my very sudden change of heart, we started talking more seriously about what it would take to move.

This was fairly early last year, and we were thinking we'd end up moving in November of 2012. Thankfully, that got pushed off to spring of 2013. It was still coming too fast for me, but we had more time to prepare ourselves.

Packing and Goodbyes
Unfortunately, that bit of extra time was not enough. Or I caught Yubo's procrastination bug.

The couple weeks leading up to our move day were difficult. Friends were trying to find time to see us one last time, but almost none of them were able to come over to help us pack and clean. Two friends came over and helped us with the living room and dining area. One came and helped with the majority of the kitchen.

Then a few people from a small group came the night before our move date to help us load the truck. We weren't ready for them, and despite the help, we ended up with even more work to do after they left. In a rush to clear off the big items for them to load, we were just throwing things around and packing boxes without thought. And since I was busy cleaning and packing, I couldn't direct them on where to put things in the truck; we ended up taking time to rearrange everything the next morning.

The day of our move, I had originally scheduled us to leave the house between 8 and 10am. That was impossible. We woke up early to tackle what we had left. I tried to comfort myself with the thought that we could check into our first resort late, and just not spend as much time in Oregon as I had wanted. (More about that later.)

Instead, the first half of our day was spent tossing everything that looked remotely important into boxes, taping them up, and almost literally (or literally, in some cases due to Yubo's frustration) throwing them onto the truck.

I tried to not regret those last hangouts and meals, and wondering, if they wanted to spend time with us, why couldn't it be at our house helping us? Dangerous thoughts. And I'll be honest: I was getting a touch irritated by all the, "You guys decided not to go, right?" But we somehow got through it.

Unfortunately, getting through it ended up in a very messed up house. We left so much stuff, and we felt horrible every second, thinking of what we were asking of our realtor to take care of. But we had to leave.

We didn't leave the house until about 6:30pm -- we weren't going to get to the resort until midnight....

First Stop: Depoe Bay
Scratch that. We didn't get to the resort until 3am. Why? We spent a bit of time at Fred Meyer stocking up a new cooler with drinks and ice, and getting other things to help us survive the trip.

Amazingly, we stayed fairly positive once we got on the road (aside from the massive amounts of guilt from what we left behind).

Downside of Depoe Bay was that our room didn't have a jetted tub as advertised -- the one thing I was looking forward to the most. Oh well. Yubo got a much-needed shower -- not saying he smelled bad, but he said he felt gross.

We reassessed our schedule, and slept.

Oregon Outlets
Somehow, Yubo had no idea about the lack of sales tax, so I felt the need to enlighten him. We were fairly close to an outlet, and Yubo needed shoes that didn't leak. So as soon as we checked out of the Depoe Bay resort, we decided to hit the stores.

First was breakfast at an adorable place called Beach Dog Cafe, recommended by someone at the front desk at the resort. SO GOOD! And it certainly made the drive worth it. We decided we will want to eat here again whenever we're in the area.

The retail therapy at the outlets really helped. A belt and a pair of shoes for each of us, he got a hoodie, and I got a pair of jeans.

We spent more time shopping than we should have, but we were still feeling good. Oh... little did we know....

Mini stop: In-n-Out, Redding
We were determined to have In-n-Out as our first meal in California. Since we had left late, it was just about a race to get there in time before they closed. And we barely managed, rolling up at 1:20am.

You'd be entertained if you saw the comments on my FB. Our friends were rooting for us to get to In-n-Out in time. LoL. But it honestly helped us stay humorous about the whole ordeal. And we made it. And it was delicious. And we moved on.

Second stop: Windsor
Yubo struggled to decide what we should do. We were going to get to the Windsor resort so late. Would it be worth it? We already spent the points on it (and it was a lot of points). Well, the cost of the room cinched it for him, and he decided to push on.

This was a time where we really got confirmation that God was with us during this trip. We got bits before, but this "coincidence" was too clear.

Yubo wanted music to help keep him awake, but being in the area we were in, it was hard to get a clear station. After a quick prayer, the radio scan stopped on a station, and praise music floated from the speakers. The very first station was a Christian station. LoL.

At some point, it fizzled out. So I plugged in my phone to listen to the music on my playlist. Even though a good 70% of my music is alternative and rock, it wasn't doing much to keep us awake. So I switched to worship music, and I instantly perked up, wide awake as I sang praises to God. Yubo said he felt a bit more awake also.

We didn't pull into the resort until 6:30am. It was the roughest part of the drive. Poor Yubo was so tired, but he was absolutely awesome. And God's support was so comforting.

Final leg
We slept in as long as we could until checking out around noon. Got some Burger King, and topped off the ice in our cooler (our cooler is seriously super great). The new struggle for Yubo was not being able to find his precious blue Full Throttle. It was getting pretty ridiculous how difficult it was to come by.

Anyhow, we continued on. We actually made more stops than we thought we would. Yubo was really starting to feel the drain of the trip. His right knee and hip were really starting to bug. Because of that, an 8-hour final drive turned into something more like 10- or 11-hour drive. My math is probably off, but we didn't get into Anaheim until midnight.

Going back to our very original plan, we were supposed to arrive at something like 6pm.

Then there was the awkwardness of FIL deciding to put us in a hotel room for a week, instead of the bedroom at the house with the cats. At that point in the trip, all I had wanted was to be with my cats, so I was really bummed that wasn't happening anymore.

It's ok. I got over it. The sleeping/living arrangements actually are working out quite well. We are working on reintroducing the cats properly, and it looks like it might work. If not, we'll have another chance when we move again.

We're here
We've been having to do a little bit of reminding people that we're here for a few years at least. This is not a vacation; you do not have to try to see us and hang out this week. We still have a load of work to do, like sorting through those unmarked boxes of crap that got thrown onto the truck.

But my dad has confirmed that he would prefer us in Northridge, with the understanding that if Oceanside provides Yubo with a better job opportunity, we can start there if we want; I would help with the store down there for little to no pay so that we stop losing so much money through that store.

And the idea really isn't to make me take over a store. My dad said if we can support ourselves well enough without the store, that's better for all of us. So that's the goal.

The apartment hunting officially starts tomorrow, and Yubo will see what info he can get about the plumbing shops in both locations to see what's better.

We continue to rely on God to guide us, and appreciate the continued prayers.

5 Days.

The guy from the pet moving company came about an hour ago and took my babies away. They seem to be in good hands though. You could really tell the guy loves animals, and he handled them well.

So now it's really starting. The kids are on their way down to Anaheim. We can now leave doors open and really get cleaning and packing without worry.

Another sad thing was that we had to bolt out of our going away party at the church office because the guy got into the area a few hours before we expected him. Thankfully, God is good, and we managed to get home just in time. Literally. He was driving up the road right in front of us.

But it was a good party. Great food. Great company. Counterpoint got to sing.

Now we're taking a bit of a breather before we head off to a prayer night.

Things are, for the most part, continuing to come together. I might end up donating or throwing out a whole lot more of my inventory than I wanted, but Yubo says that's ok. We're starting over... sort of.... I really learned my lesson regarding inventory, and now I can start off in a better place (hopefully).

Two weeks.

Stress is on the rise as we get closer and closer to our move date.

Yubo has officially quit his job, but is taking the rest of tonight and tomorrow as a mini vacation before he throws himself into all the hard work of getting everything ready to move.

I'm a bit stressed as I try to figure out how to hang out with all the people that want to hang out before we leave, and still have time and energy to pack and clean. Our last two Saturdays up here are already filled with parties. We have a few more dinners with some people sprinkled through the remaining weeks.

It's really awkward how hanging out with friends can almost be stressful. Like a wedding reception.... or how the last few days of a trip home, everyone wants to try to hang out one last time.

I'm sure we'll get everything done. Although we've accumulated more things living in this condo, it's still fairly small, so we haven't really added all that much. I'm excited for the things I can throw out or donate. I am concerned of the cost of fixing things up enough to make it sell-able though (e.g. the window blinds that the cats chewed through to gain access to the sill).

Need lots and lots of prayer that we can take things a step/box/room at a time without feeling overwhelmed, and actually get everything done in a timely fashion.

Moving and growing.

I'm not sure if I already wrote about this, but we've settled on moving together, and living together at his parents' until we find our own place (which hopefully won't take much longer than two weeks). This drastically lowers moving expenses, and solves what we thought would be two weeks of living apart down in Cali (if I were to start working at the store immediately, I would have stayed with my parents' in order to commute with my mom every day).

Everything is coming together fairly smoothly, for the most part. The "jokes" from friends that we've changed our minds continue. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for them anymore, but I try not to get too bothered or annoyed because I know that we're very much loved up here, and it's pretty obvious all the reasons they would want us to stay. But we trust that God will provide in our absence, since He is the one that's calling us away.



An interesting, disturbing, and dramatic thing happened a few days ago. I had a bit of a breakdown over our finances, and briefly entertained thoughts that I really shouldn't have about how to help bring us more income. Then I had the brilliant idea to share my thoughts with Yubo, and how worthless I felt because I wouldn't be able to help in those ways even if I wanted to.

He rightly got upset with me.... very upset with me. And we had a very long, tense, emotional talk.

I think it was the first time we've ever ended a talk with something productive, and feeling closer to each other. It almost ended as usual, with him going out for a cigarette, and us feeling very tense toward each other with everything unresolved. But when he came back in, saying he was going to go to bed, I asked for a hug, and he held me. We apologized to each other. And we finished our talk with how to move forward.

I must say, I'm quite proud of us. It's taken us just under three years (of marriage; 8 years of being together) to learn how to end a conflict constructively. I just hope we can remember what we did, learn from it, and maintain a healthier approach to our future conflicts. Our next small group meeting, we'll be talking about conflict. Hopefully we'll be able to store up valuable nuggets of information and wisdom from the older couples in our group.

God is so good at laying out the perfect opportunities for us to use to equip ourselves for future battles.

Amends and amendments.

Just letting you all know that, once again, we are ok. The beer worked. LoL! Just kidding.

We talked. Truths were shared (praise God for that) rather than just saying what the other wanted to hear. And we've re-established Wednesday nights and Saturdays as times for "us." But this time, the time won't be scheduled talks and check-ins. They'll be date nights and time we're setting aside for each other to be with each other. And this will help me not be so greedy with his time the other days, because I'll know that I can look forward to and expect Wednesdays and Saturdays.

We already had our first date in a very long time this past Wednesday. We went to see The Hobbit. It would've been a much better experience if Yubo hadn't needed a cigarette right before the movie, but his e-cigarette hasn't been doing him very well. I will say, however, that I greatly appreciated that he was trying it.

There's just something outside of the nicotine that has him that the e-cigarette just isn't enough, and he doesn't know (or won't tell me) what it is. In any case, it's keeping him from actually wanting to quit.

So I'll keep praying for him, and try my best to be patient. I'm just REALLY hoping that it doesn't take me having a baby to get him to quit. (Please note that I certainly will not have a baby just for this purpose, so don't worry about that.)

Now, we just continue to hammer out the details for this darn move.

Beer makes all things better?

I called him while I was at the market, and was relieved that, 1) he answered his phone, and 2) he didn't sound angry/upset/annoyed.

So the entertaining thing to me is, whenever I want to make amends with him, usually the first thing I do is buy him a beer. More often than not, it's a can of Sapporo; but sometimes I'll "splurge" on a case of Sam Adams. When I say "sometimes," I think this is only the second time it's happened.

I'm not sure how a beer became my go-to peace offering. I suppose part of it is me trying to be more open-minded about beer in general, which, although I have a ways to go, I've come pretty far in my views and feelings toward the stuff. And the other is that I understand to some degree how much Yubo enjoys a cold beer after a long day at work..... or something to that extent that media has embedded into our brains.

Why can't that be done with water or some other liquid? I have no idea. But whatever. I've learned that he is no longer a college frat pledge (or did he actually join?) that drank to get drunk. And watching videos of brewers showing how to appreciate a beer helps open my eyes further to this other side of alcohol.

Anyway, all that aside, I'm also trying my best to learn more about the things he enjoys, and respect them (if they're respectable), and show him that he's important to me. So I guess my way of doing that is a peace offering that involves something that I'm not entirely comfortable with, and showing that I'm willing to put forth the effort.

We talked.

Sometimes I want to say, "Lord, stop stirring things up and making trouble!" LoL. But I know it's good.

I stopped Yubo before he fired up the Xbox, and I poured out my heart (and eyes) to him. I really didn't mean to cry, and I feel really bad about it. But I said the things I felt needed to be said and asked, and he gave me honest answers.

The bulk of everything unanswered boiled down to, "When we ask God for things, how much to we really mean it?" and, more importantly, "What do we really want?"

I told him that I'm not at the point yet where I'm really ready to hand over my entire life to God, but I do want MORE of Him. I'm giving Yubo more time to think it through, but told him I wouldn't let up and would ask him again tomorrow or in a few days.

I think he's upset.... and I'm trying to not be hurt by that, because it tells me that this is important.

Despite the very obvious tension right now, I feel ok. This is a big step in our faith, that apparently God thinks we're ready for. And I guess I have peace that we'll come out on the right side of this. Of course, I'll continue to pray about it. And I would certainly appreciate your prayers for us as well, dear reader.

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And of course, this is the devotion I find when I finally check my email: http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/good-wife-2013-02/

I think I got it.

Following up from my previous post, I think we will always be in an "either/or" situation, and can't be in an "and."

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." (Matthew 6:24)

Either the things we do glorify God, or they don't. Either we serve God, or we serve ourselves.

It really is a big cost to follow Jesus. And, as you can see in my previous post, we try too hard to blend things. I was trying too hard to allow Yubo this thing, when actually, he was probably pretty close to being right on when he said he should sell his games and consoles.

I recognize that games can do some good for him. The ones he chooses to play usually involve a lot of tactics and strategy. They use his brain, make him solve problems, and in some online forums, have him work with other people as a leader or a follower.

The problem comes when he might have an inkling that I was already having a problem with his gaming again, and that I was feeling separated from him, and still games for four hours straight without checking on me as I sat in the bedroom with the door closed, ignoring my crying cats. I was feeling so horrible that I was hoping I could blame the birth control for a mood swing. Or that I was just being my usual sensitive self because I just watched the latest episode of "Smash." I didn't break down into a puddle of tears, but I did cry.... a couple of times.

I could say that I didn't expect a miracle to happen in the past 21 days, but actually, I did. My eyes were so opened. I really meant it when I said we've finally started to experience what God intends relationships to be. So of course I would be devastated to have that yanked away from me hours after we broke our fast, and just the day after we agreed to be better.

When I asked Yubo what it meant to him to "be better," he didn't answer me. I could tell he didn't want to restrict himself anymore. He was getting restless toward the end, but had made the effort to choose an entertainment we would enjoy together.

I didn't feel good going back to my daily routine before the fast. I watched a few episodes of anime over meals, but turned Pandora back on more often (until the streaming started getting wonky). But when Yubo came home and got on his game, I was checking FB every couple of minutes to see if someone else out there would acknowledge my existence -- maybe let me know that they missed me while I was gone. I was checking Instagram to see if I got any more likes from the pictures I posted, or if any of the people I followed posted something I would like, to get that tiny form of interaction.

Yet, there was Yubo, literally two feet away from me, and I couldn't talk to him. And when I say "couldn't," I'm using the correct word. I did not have the ability to. His headphones were on, his eyes and mind were focused on the task at hand, and it would go on like that for hours at a time with no let up -- no way to save and stop, too much action to just pause and interrupt his flow.

He explained to me that's just how the game is. He had tried to stop mid-mission after he had cleared one checkpoint, but when he came back to the game, it had closed itself, and he had to start from that first objective again. That much of a problem? Apparently so. And when I wondered if it would be a matter of choosing when to play games like that, where you can't easily save after just a few minutes of play, he started shutting down. His argument of never really having a weekend came up then.


When I was diagramming out my thoughts regarding "either/or" and "and," I saw that the options were basically telling me the same thing. In the free time that you have in a day, you can split your pie up amongst the things you want to give attention to -- yourself, your spouse, God. You can do them all, but only be able to give a little bit of time to each. If you want to give more time, you can spread them out over the week. So the free time on Mondays and Wednesdays could be dedicated to yourself. The free time on Tuesdays and Thursdays could go to your spouse. Weekends go to God.

But then look at how you're taking time away from God to do these other things. When I say that, I'm assuming that the other things don't really include God.

Of course, the proper way to do it would be to make sure God is involved in the times you dedicate to yourself and your spouse -- doing things that are actually glorifying Him. But that's not how we do things, especially in the times we dedicate to ourselves.

Yubo plays these games that aren't very wholesome -- they're violent, and they sometimes make his frustrated and angry (which, in my opinion, means he's taking it too seriously and is too invested).

I watch shows that can be vulgar at times in the comedy, or show relationships that aren't Godly.

It's fairly easy to see how to reconcile that, but it becomes obvious pretty quickly that we don't quite want to reconcile. And that is the real problem. We're choosing the wrong thing. Instead of wanting what is best for ourselves (in choosing God), we're choosing to take time away from God for the things that are not of Him. That's the big thing I was missing last night. We can't have an "and."

At some point, we really do have to make a firm decision: either God, or the world.

"And" or "Either/Or"

Once again, Yubo's games come up as an issue. :(

It's not horrible, mind you.

It's just.... having been through that amazing 21 days, I personally was shocked at how easily we both reverted back to our pre-prayer&fasting ways. Yubo said it wasn't shocking; I countered that it was saddening.

I really don't think we have to be in an "either games or quality time with each other and God" situation. I truly think Yubo (and we) can have both. But how?

Last night, we both agreed that we didn't do too well coming out of the fast. But apparently I felt it more than he did. Understandable -- I'm more emotional than he is, naturally. The difference was pretty stark to me though. I felt so separated from him, and feel the same tonight. (He got to come home early, and fairly quickly got to his game as I finished watching an anime episode over my late lunch.)

We engaged in a brief but deep conversation regarding the "benefits" I see the people around me receiving that are not from God (and so they are actually curses disguised as blessings leading people farther away from God). So that was neat, although it would have been nice to have prayed through that afterward.

But anyway, it came up again about how difficult Yubo's choice games make it to just save and quit. I can relate, somewhat -- being so frustrated running around looking for a save point but continually running into monster after monster, and then giving up and resigning to start all over again from a previous save. But that still feels like an either/or situation.

Yubo's frustration came out in the form of wondering aloud if he should just sell all his games and consoles. I certainly don't think he has to resort to that, but at the same time, he said he seemed to be fine without them these past 3 weeks. But was that because he knew they were still there for him to go back to? Was he really fine without them?

But that's still either/or! .....although I think that'd be good to know.

I suppose the best "and" situation would be some sort of limiter on games, so that time each night (or every other night, or weekend, or something) is actually dedicated to us and God.

His other complaint was not really ever having a weekend. He says he never really gets a chance to completely relax. There are always things to be done that have been pushed off. So that's usually, either he spends the whole day gaming ("relaxing"), or he runs errands with me, or he helps people from church.



I feel like I'm missing something big here. Something just doesn't feel right as I try to think these things through. Maybe I'm just thinking about it so much that I've gotten confused.

I'll take a break from this now, and pray about it later (or now....). My very few readers, if you have any insights on balancing these types of things in your life, I'd appreciate a few words just to possibly get a different perspective. I'm a different person now than I was before, so even if you've shared such things with me before, let's try again.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 20 & 21

It's become much easier to just be with each other, without trying to find distractions to fill the space between us. And we've just become emotionally closer (at least on my side).

Sunday was amazing. Second service was filled before we got there, and we were less than 5 minutes late. The congregation was so engaged, and I got to enjoy just being a part of the congregation. Personally, I was more engaged. I wasn't scared about worshiping out in the audience the way I do on stage... or at least closer to it. Prayers were moving, the message was enlivened. It was neat to see how many people stayed after for the luncheon to break the fast.



I will admit, Yubo and I did not do so great afterward. We went to Best Buy, and Yubo got a new game (always dangerous). I ate Taco Del Mar for lunch (since we didn't fast from food, and the soup and fruits from the luncheon, though delicious, weren't enough for me), and we got Mongolian for dinner.

I spent loads of time "catching up" on FB and Instagram. I was mixed about it. I decided I had two options: either take the night catching up, and then back off again; or ease back in slowly. I opted for the former, and I think that works better for me. Where I was mixed was having the feeling of needing to catch up in the first place. 

Yubo ended up playing his game until just after 1am, where we had been going to bed before midnight during the 21 days. I actually lost track of time because I was researching moving cost estimates.

I also made the mistake of not having my "Hosanna Radio" playing. So I have it on again now.

At the very least, we prayed before sleeping.


So we will see how we do today. Last night, we both recognized what we did, and resolved to be better.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 17-19

I decided to not go to the evening prayer meeting on Wednesday, and won't go again tonight (which would be the last one). Probably selfish, but I didn't like not being home when Yubo got home.

We've made a few more exceptions to the electronic fast -- basically easing ourselves back into entertainment, but with the pointed difference of making sure it's mutual. So we started watching Ouran Host Club again. It's something we've watched before, that we both really enjoy, and it's not something that distracts us from being with each other. And Yubo's been really good about stopping, where he'd normally want to keep watching until he was tired.

We continue to end the night together in prayer, even if it's simply reciting the Lord's prayer.

Last night, we focused our prayer on my family, and got good "feedback" from God. We're assured that He is preparing our way, and we just need to listen and follow.

Still some things we're asking about that haven't been answered yet, but I'm encouraged that what we've been doing these past few weeks will continue on. So we'll have plenty more opportunities to hear from God.

The toughest part now is really just getting things ready for when we leave. Praying that someone (or several someones) in the church will step up to fill our vacancies. I'm also trying to get my boss ready to be without me. There's a lot to do, and March is coming up fast.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 15 & 16

Honestly, I feel a bit weird still including the word "fasting" in all this, since our food fasting really didn't happen. But I know it does still make sense because of our electronic fast, which has done so much more for us than I think a food fast would have at this point in our lives. And at least we tried it at first, and learned that it wasn't for us this time.

It's becoming more and more apparent that God is preparing us for change. Our relationship is strengthening and growing, which will be pretty vital in the things to come: stress of moving, being with my parents every day after being so far from them these past 7 years, Yubo going to Ei-chan's bachelor party. Ugh..... just thinking about it all..... and yet, God continues to confirm it each time I ask.

And just taking a moment to look back at what we've accomplished and acquired up here, Yubo strongly feels these are things that we're meant to bring back down to Cali.

As we near the end of the week, we're trying to not slack off on the time we dedicate to God. And we're both feeling like we should continue on with as much of this as we can after next Sunday. Starting our days together, staying close to God throughout the day, and ending our days with each other and in prayer.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 14

Two weeks with no electronic entertainment (except for last night)!

It's been surprisingly easy. And Yubo and I continue to see a difference in our relationships with God and each other.

We were late to church because my stomach was still causing problems, but made it for the majority of the message. The message and worship today felt a bit refreshed and revived -- a little more energy than we've been used to lately. So it was awesome to see that, and certainly praise God for what He's doing in our church in answer to our prayers and obedience to Him.

We shared a brief "God sighting" on video that will be used next week as Lighthouse celebrates 12 years. Then after lunch, we joined P.Nancy and Tina at a Cambodian church in Seattle.

When P.Nancy told me it was a Cambodian church, I thought it was an English-speaking church full of Cambodian people, just like how Lighthouse is predominantly Japanese-American. This was an actual Cambodian church, and it was really interesting/entertaining/fun to see God in this culture. We greeted people like I do at family gatherings. And hearing the language was nostalgic. Of course, everyone that learned that I was half wanted to know if I spoke or understood. Thank you, mom, for teaching me how to say, "I don't understand/speak." Another highlight was hearing my Cambodian name used, even though I really don't have a Cambodian name -- my aunt translated my Chinese name when I was younger and complaining that I didn't have a cool Cambodian name like my cousins.

I love hearing worship songs in different languages, and hearing a few familiar songs in Cambodian was no different. It really just amazes me how universal prayer and worship are.

I was sitting away from Yubo, so I didn't get to see his reactions through the service. He says he found it interesting.

Straight from there, we went right into small group, which was lively as usual, and filled with great discussion and learning. We really like this group, and it's sad that it's taken us this long to experience such a group. But I suppose we can say this is just God continuing to equip us with things and experiences to bring down with us to California (which, so far, is still confirmed).

It's early in the night, but we're both exhausted -- from a lot of good things, but still exhausted. Hoping to use some of the night for deeper prayer, but it may end up being another exception night.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 13

We slept through breakfast, deciding to just eat after acapella rehearsal.

Had a great time over lunch (technically, breakfast), getting deep into conversation about speaking in tongues. I learned a lot more about Yubo's faith, and felt closer to him through that understanding.

We took a nap, and although it was much needed for him, I struggled through bad dreams and felt horrible upon waking.

A bit later, my stomach started to really complain. So we decided to use the rest of the day to really rest. We used an exception and spent the night on the couch together watching anime, as Yubo wonderfully waited on me in my discomfort.

We wrapped up the night with a brief prayer in bed, and slept.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 10-12

Not too much to recount, either because not much happened, or I simply don't remember. So here are some brief highlights.

Wednesday
I got really sick from food poisoning or something, so I ended up spending the day resting. Didn't make Yubo breakfast, so asked him to make sure to get something himself.

I managed to go to the prayer gathering, where we prayed for the world, the country, and ourselves. I got cryptic visions from my two friends I was praying with. One got a vision of dish gloves transforming to heavy-duty work gloves, with the promise that God would provide these things for me. She also got Leviticus 19:22, "With the ram of the guilt offering the priest is to make atonement for him before the Lord for the sin he has committed, and his sin will be forgiven." The other got a vision of a sheet with large holes cut into it.

We have yet to really interpret it, but the front runners have to do with my role as a wife shifting... or just some domestic transition. I thought of the move down to California, and how that would mean I'd be working again.

The verse and the sheet may apply to our marriage somehow, or could have something to do with my dad. Or it could have nothing to do with anything.... like that fetus.

Thursday
I dragged myself out of bed to make Yubo breakfast, but didn't stay up with him. Went right back to bed until I had to go in to work. Had more work to do that anticipated, but got through it by temporarily adding "Hosanna Radio" to my boss' Pandora.

Friday
Again, I didn't get to make Yubo breakfast. Encouraged him to eat something healthy, specifically an apple, which he did not do.

I did some chores and projects around the house, worshiping and resting periodically, until it was time to go to the evening prayer gathering. SYTE kids were there -- man... I'm so bad with kids. I'm just really intimidated by them. Since I don't have a good sense of time and memory, especially regarding my own timeline, it's hard for me to remember how I was as a teenager or younger. And I suspect that when I talk to teens, I may use simpler words than I need to.... or come off as condescending. Yubo says I can come off like that to adults sometimes. How much worse is it, then, for impressionable young teens going through hormones!? Man.. I hope they don't hate me.

Anyway, I got through the hour.

Came home to Yubo eating the dinner he got for himself, listening to the new station I was trying out on Pandora. Eventually switched back to "Hosanna" because the songs coming up on the other station weren't really worship songs.

Yubo was getting restless, and started fussing with things. I asked if we could do something together, because I felt apart from him. Although he said he wouldn't be into reading or prayer, he agreed. So we decided to just start at the beginning of Mark, but our NIV translations were different. To see if we could reconcile translations, I went to grab my study bible.... and then decided to bring along my NKJV chronological study bible just for kicks.

We ended up reading each chapter between the two translations and all four gospels, and noting the differences. We only got through Jesus' temptation in the desert before Yubo got a little blip on his radio. Thankfully, he doesn't have to go out to a job.

We'll probably wrap up the night now, hopefully with prayer. Also hoping he doesn't get a call so he can come to acapella rehearsal tomorrow (even though he'll just be sitting in).

On a side note (sort of), it's been really awesome worshiping God through music throughout the entire day. It's a "different dynamic to life," I told Yubo. I know. That's pretty deep. Go ahead and let that sit for a while.




I feel like I won't need a "warm up" to worship on a Sunday morning anymore. Very basically, it just feels pretty amazing, and I certainly feel closer to God. Prayer is a bit harder, but not as hard as it normally would be.

Overall, as we get close to wrapping up this second week of prayer and fasting, it seems we're getting a lot of good out of it, and hopefully God is getting a whole lot of glory out of it.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 9

Yubo was able to come home early, and it was so good to spend time with him.

We got some things done around the house that I've wanted for a while, like install the iron caddy onto the closet door, and start packing another box for storage.

Then we just sat together with worship music on, talking about things that came to mind -- everything from church, our own worship styles and preferences, California -- and singing and sharing songs.

At the end of the night, we spent another hour or so praying specifically and discussing what came up. Some cryptic stuff, but a few more things became more clear.

Although we'll keep praying about several things, here are the main things we got from the night:

• God was pleased with what we were doing.
• But since we were doing this in such an usually free form, Yubo felt we needed to spend time in the Bible first in order for God to speak more clearly to us.
• Something about Cambodia (from Yubo) -- either a mission, or sponsoring a child, or perhaps the possible trip this October -- and how that might be the step to share the gospel with my family
• Something about a baby (the really cryptic one from me). I had a very heavy heart, and when I asked for clarification, I got one of those black and white images of a baby in a womb. My initial reaction was fear. When I asked for more clarification, I didn't get anything, and the heaviness eventually went away. Discussing this with Yubo, we have a number of theories:
• He really wants us to have a baby, [and isn't pleased with the birth control].
• He's telling us even if we try, we won't be able to have a baby.
• If we try, I may miscarry.
• It might be linked to Cambodia -- my heavy heart for the suffering and need over there, and how I wanted to sponsor a child a few years ago.

After trying to sort all of that out, we decided to end the night specifically focusing on California:

• Yes (from me)
• March (from Yubo)
• Working in or involved in the church again (from me), specifically worship (from Yubo)
• Nothing clear about whether Yubo should stick with plumbing or find another occupation until we're settled in the store (except for what we got above).
• My first few weeks to a month down there (assuming, since Yubo wasn't in the vision), I might start going to Evergreen and invite my mom to come to services with me (from me). Yubo saw us in Anaheim.

So Yubo says we'll plan for that for now, and continue to pray about it until the end of these 21 days.

I just think it's really cool what we did and what we got. Unfortunately, I question Yubo's faith more than I should. But being able to spend time with him this way really reveals to me who he is in his faith, and that he's not just spouting the "right answers" anymore.

God is so good and so faithful. He blesses us so much, and we're so thankful for that.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 8

It's always fun to see when God just lines things up. Yubo and I both had our own "connect-the-dots" moments on Monday.

Unfortunately, I don't completely remember what his was about. I'm so horrible at remembering things sometimes, and I'll be honest, I wasn't in a great mood with him when he started talking so I may have just been filtering him out. LoL. But it was something about the perceived complacency of our church, and that at least the leaders feel a stirring and want it, but might not necessarily know what to do about it.

Mine was a connection between what we felt Sunday morning that didn't happen, and what we were asked to pray about Monday evening at the prayer gathering. Sunday morning, we sang "Rescue," and I felt at some point that something needed to be said. It was a bit of a rough morning -- the congregation wasn't visibly responding to things, and I was concerned. But the song came and went, and we finished the set and the service. That was part of the discussion with P.Keith over lunch, and he felt that too. I emailed our team, and was confirmed to not be timid, and to take hold of those opportunities. Last night, we were asked to pray about proclaiming -- to be bold, to spread the good news. So my moment was God very clearly saying, "Stop holding back."


So we had our own moments, but I feel like we're not having too many moments as a couple. And that's unsettling for me. Just feeling that we're still really disjointed.

When Yubo came home last night, we were put in a weird mood. We both were slightly overreacting to an exchange we were having over when I should start taking my bc pills because I'm still on antibiotics. (I'm going to call my doctor today to clear things up.) Then I seemed to just be irritated by him in general.

However, we were actually able to resolve it by the end of the night fairly quickly. We addressed what happened, acknowledged our positions and feelings, and for the most part, sorted out and resolved things. Don't know if anything will come of it -- we touched on some things that are recurring issues -- but the hope is there that God will continue to guide us through our issues.

For Yubo, his irritant that night was how, yet again, I was not understanding what he was trying to explain to me. I suspected it might be because he'll launch into an explanation assuming I know/understand things he thinks I should. Then we realize that I don't, and he has to back track and re-explain things, and it just takes forever and we both get frustrated. So I told him to check in with me first the things he thinks I should know already. He said he didn't want to come off as sounding like he thinks I'm dumb, but I told him to just do that and let me clear up the things I do know. And I'll try not to be offended, and if I am, he'll try to not be upset by it.

My irritant was how he comes off as not caring about himself or his health. He has this nasty cough that won't let up, and he was complaining about needing a drink. I told him to drink something warm, and he just went straight for a Mountain Dew. When he's sick, he doesn't do things to take care of himself. He continues on as if he's not sick (soda, energy drinks, McDonald's), but complains that he's not getting better. And when I try to do things to take care of him, sometimes I feel brushed off (like him going for a Mt.Dew instead of something warm). He seemed receptive to that, so hopefully he'll be more aware of that as he continues to heal up. He indulged me (reluctantly) by gargling salt water before bed.

I think now that we're both, for the most part, feeling better, we'll be able to start focusing on coming together under God's will and seeking after Him together instead of just individually.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 6 and 7

I was talking to a dear friend at small group last night about our fasting and how it hasn't worked out the way we originally planned. She wanted me to make sure that I didn't view it as a complete failure. Rather, I need to remember how sick and horrible I felt, and remember that's how spiritually dependent I am on God, even if I might not feel the physical ailments as I did with the lack of food. I think I understood that for myself for the most part, but it was so good to hear it specifically and have it confirmed by someone that's strong and mature in her faith, and that I respect so highly.



On Saturday, we slept in. Yubo was out on that call, and didn't get home until about 1am. He still wasn't feeling well anyway, and thankfully, my acapella rehearsal got cancelled. So we rested. Went out to breakfast before taking me to the doctor. I learned that potato pancakes from Shari's are delicious, and seem simple enough to make (though I'll still look up a recipe).

We've decided to get me on birth control. So I'll be able to pick up my prescription after 3pm today, assuming the cost isn't ridiculous.

I talked with my doctor about the fasting and how I've been eating anywhere from 950-1200 calories a day. She said that it'll still be safe 'til the end of the 21 days, but that I shouldn't go longer than that.

She told me the weird bubble on my foot is called a ganglion cyst, and that I don't have to worry about it unless it starts to hurt or grow big that it gets in the way of things.

And Yubo and I both got Tdap vaccine shots.

After the doctor, Yubo went off and helped two people from church with some plumbing things. So the day was mostly filled with errands.


Sunday, it was a struggle to wake up. But God certainly answered my prayers that we would both feel well enough to sing. And although the congregation didn't seem very responsive, we did get some good feedback that some people were moved; another answered prayer that God would use us in that capacity.

Lunch with P.Keith was good. He confirmed things that he was seeing in our relationship, like a lack of tension that was there before. I think that's from starting and ending our days together like I always wanted. And P.Keith also confirmed that he feels the Lord is pleased with what we're doing, and wants to continue to bless us even more.

I ran a quick errand to Jo-Ann Fabrics for a project, and then we were off to small group, despite feeling pretty worn. Actually hit up a Starbucks on the way there for a little help.

Small group was fun -- this group really suits our style and what we always wanted out of a small group. It certainly helps to be in the same group as P.Barry. But aside from that, just the group dynamic and the depth that the studies go into really work for us. We do what I guess is called a manuscript style of studying, where we get print-outs of the passages we're focusing on so that we can mark it up with pens and highlighters.

We got that encouragement (that I mentioned at the start of this entry) from P.Barry's wife, Michele, and also learned about bible colleges. For a time, I wanted to go to seminary, until I learned that seminary is a grad school. But P.Barry and Michele told me that I could go to a bible college that would get me to a level where, depending on the church we end up at, it would be possible to eventually get into a position like a worship ministry director without needing to have the accreditation of a pastor.


So the weekend was productive and encouraging. Also, the medicine from the allergist seems to be working -- I'm certainly feeling much better than I was the beginning of the year. Yubo is still recovering from whatever it is he has, but also seems to be feeling better. I feel stronger in my prayers. And now we begin Week 2.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 5

I've officially completely veered off my food plan for this time of fasting. But I'm personally still finding the electronic entertainment fast to be much more beneficial and fulfilling in providing me more time with God.

I am still trying to eat healthier, though, and feeling sick (despite not really being sick) is certainly helping with that.

The latest tough thing is realizing that during this week, when Yubo and I want to be together the most, his work has been keeping us apart. Tonight is his on-call shift, and at 11pm, he is 1hr 40min away from home. Not entirely unusual, but he's been unusually busy during a fairly slow season; he's also supposed to be with me at a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Thankfully, it's an afternoon appointment. A discreet ploy from the enemy? Who knows? But in any case, I'm trying to not be discouraged by it, and instead am trying to keep Yubo in prayer. I don't do that often enough.

Finally managed to bring myself to one of the evening prayer gatherings at the church office, and so glad that I went. It really is such a difference being in a room, surrounded by people that are also praying fervently.

I'd like to reach that level of prayer on my own. Sometimes I'm just awkwardly embarrassed with myself.

I did a stream of consciousness kind of thing, and I think a lot of good stuff came out of that, prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Generally, I'm also feeling better. Took my first dose of stuff that the allergist gave me, and the actual nasal spray he prescribed (rather than the sample of something else). Still get a bit of a cough, and sniffling like crazy, but not as stuff up as often.

Yubo says he's just got a bit of scratchy throat left.

So an answered prayer in progress. Hoping our voices will be closer to 100% for Sunday morning.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 4

Another tough start. Yubo was supposed to wake up at 5:30am to go to a training meeting so he could make an inspection at 11am. When my alarm went off at 7:45am, he was still in bed.

Because I wasn't expecting him to eat breakfast, I didn't prepare anything. But I encouraged him to eat breakfast on his own. Hopefully he did.

My throat is sore and raw from the nasal spray the allergist gave me yesterday. It woke me up several times, and sent me into horrible coughing fits. So I texted Yubo that I would probably veer from my meal plan to foods that would soothe my throat.

I had ice cream for breakfast. LoL. Thankfully, we had a carton of lactose-free vanilla ice cream. Chicken noodle soup is on the stove right now. I probably won't add my usual Tabasco sauce to it, and have crackers for the extra bit of salt and substance.

"Hosanna" radio is turned up on my laptop as I type this, to focus my heart and mind on God instead of this scratchy throat and stuffy nose. I'm not sick. It's just these darn allergies. But my mind almost wants me to think that I'm sick. But I have to go in to work today. And I need to get those prescriptions from the allergist filled so I can alleviate these things. So I'm not going to let my mind pretend my body is sick and get me to stay home.

It sounds like an awkward thing to have to fight, but for me, it's not unusual. I've routinely used illness to get me out of doing all sorts of things, and instead, laze around at home. But not so this time. Just got to rewire my brain a little bit.

---
 I left this to add more, but I don't remember what I wanted to write. I went to work, and we had worship rehearsal.

Yubo told me that he's just been feeling so exhausted, so that's why he'd kind of pushed prayer aside. He was also feeling overwhelmed by having such a busy weekend scheduled. So I sent him to bed, and I spent 15min on my knees praying for both of us and got a few answers. Unfortunately, they don't do too much to lighten Yubo's plans this weekend.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 3

A quick follow-up to the end of Day 2, Yubo had a late enough lunch, and was feeling horrible enough to want to go straight to bed. So he slept as I finished up his laundry, and worshiped silently in the living room to the wonderful music provided by the "Hosanna" station on my Pandora.

Day 3 started off pretty tough. Despite my prayers over him the previous night, Yubo was still feeling really sick, but forced himself out of bed to eat breakfast and go to work. He later told me that after he took a Dayquil, he started feeling better in the afternoon.

I got to see an allergist, who confirmed that I truly do have seasonal allergies (positive for tree, grass, and weed pollens), but couldn't confirm why I was getting them in winter. The only things that would affect me this season are dust mites and (surprise!) cats. Without getting draconian with me (his words), he prescribed a number of things that should help me manage. Also found pretty much nothing in food allergies, although we didn't test banana -- but apparently we tested cantaloupe and nothing happened (very very tiny reaction to watermelon, though).

Left: Food stuff; Right: Pollen stuff and other typical allergens

I don't know if it was just the doctor visit, but it was difficult for me all day to focus on God. I guess I'm not understanding how to go about a normal day and still keep God at the forefront of my mind. Do you just go about your day as usual, and turn your mind only to Him during those meal times (fasting or not), mornings, and evenings?

Yubo said it was easy for him Day 2 -- it was by the grace of God that he even made it through the day.

We've been praying for healing, and protection from further illness, but either our prayers aren't fervent enough, or for some reason, God wants to keep us feeling sick. Or at least, me. Maybe I use sickness as an excuse to not focus so well on Him, when in actuality, that's when I should be focusing completely on Him.

So far, I haven't been to any of the prayer gatherings at the church office. I'm encouraged that I'll be able to make it tomorrow night, though. 

Despite the ailments, I'm not completely discouraged. I mean, God placed me with my boss, who happened to know this great allergist that I never would have thought I'd needed. She also connected me with the doctor clinic she goes to, so I could finally see a doctor.

At our last small group meeting, we were told to think about the markers that showed God was working in our lives. For me, it's definitely been the people He's brought into my life that let me know that He's looking out for me.

During my dark times in high school, He gave me Archie and Akemi. In college, He gave me Yubo and his family. Up here in WA, He provided a home church for us that would be familiar enough to Yubo (through P.Wayne) that we'd want to go, even though we had several church options that were much closer. In the mess that was Fry's Electronics, He gave me Eric, Alex, Albert, and Mushi. In the dark times up here, He gave me so many people to surround myself with, including P.Keith, Rose, Sheryl, and Juliette -- people I could reach out to when I was finally ready to reach out. I never have to wonder about how God has blessed me because it's so easy to look around and see these faces and just know.

I suppose, though, that what I've mostly been doing during this time is just praising and worshiping Him. Not that those aren't good things to do, and I love spending all the freed up time I have doing that. But the seeking Him in prayer hasn't been happening as well as it should.

When Yubo and I come together in prayer, it's been pretty shallow and generic. And that's usually because we haven't set aside enough time for it; or how lately, we've just been feeling so sick that we just go to bed.

But we're still learning. And we have 18 more days to go.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 0-2

We were called to an all-church season of prayer and fasting. My initial response: Great! I'm planning on juice fasting anyway for the new year!

Since I was scheduled to coordinate on the two Sundays we were having classes on prayer and fasting, I made Yubo go in my stead. Awesome that he went, because he felt convicted that we needed to do this together.

Last Wednesday through Friday, we laid out our plans and intentions for these next 21 days.

WHY: To realign ourselves with God's will; To spend more time in communion with God and each other; (specifically, to gain wisdom and discernment regarding California, but we're keeping it open)

HOW: "Fast" from electronic entertainment that distracts us from God and each other.

• Morning: Breakfast for Yubo; Juice for Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Juice for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo and Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

I didn't want Yubo to fast from too many meals so that he could work properly. He doesn't have the luxury of being able to lighten his work load to accommodate the first weak days of an extended fast.

We wanted to start well and together, so last Sunday, I made arrangements to only coordinate 2nd service so that Yubo had a better chance of waking up on time for breakfast, and so I would have enough time to make breakfast and juice.

Then we were off to church, and actually made it early enough for me to check in with P.Keith.

The afternoon was filled with rushed errands. Yubo mistakenly fasted lunch. We ended up with just enough time to stay in Bellevue to head over to the first meeting of our new small group (I think we call them Discipleship Groups now). Yubo was cranky about it, and I had a headache, but we went.

At the end of small group, I scolded Yubo for sneaking a pot sticker while I was coming back from the restroom. After clarifying that he agreed to fast dinner (and not lunch), he kindly let me have a pot sticker to ease my headache.

On the way home, we ended up going to sushi for dinner. Day 1 became Day 0.

---
Day 1 (take 2) started ok. I woke up on time to make Yubo breakfast, and make myself juice. After Yubo went off to work, I went back to bed. I actually ended up sleeping away A LOT of the day. After my afternoon juice, I was feeling nauseous with a horrible headache. Several cups of water and coconut water didn't help. I couldn't focus enough to even pray. Reading was impossible.

I started looking into the Daniel fast. What I got from when my head wasn't pounding was I already started off wrong. My motives for the food portion of the fast weren't right -- they were purely physical. I just wanted to lose weight. And I just wanted to throw myself off the deep end. I didn't really prepare myself very well to deal with the physical pains of fasting. It was astonishing to me how bad the first day was (twice).

When Yubo got home, I told him I was going to do a modified Daniel fast... or more like, just my own partial fast. What was the point if all I was going to do was sleep the day away? Where's the extra time with God then? My modifications would also enable a higher chance of success for being on my own at home.

I ended the night with chicken noodle soup, and Yubo had the juice I made.

• Morning: Breakfast and vitamins for Yubo and Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Fruits and veggies for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo; Soup for Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

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Day 2 seems to be going much more successfully for me. I have plenty of energy to go about the day, worshiping to music as I clean the house, and being able to sit and focus on God. I think the biggest benefit is coming from the electronic "fasting." So that's why I felt my food fast didn't need to be quite so strict -- the food fast is to be healthy and take care of the temple that is my body.

Despite now eating breakfast and lunch, Yubo's sick. Either he finally caught what was ailing me the first two weeks of this new year, or he hasn't been dressing for the chill of the season. It's been really, really cold.

I may have him join me for soup tonight instead of cold juice. And we can try to spend more time in prayer for him.


Anyway, I've read about journaling during fasts, and I think it'll be good for us to document how this goes since it's the first time doing something to this degree together.