Prayer & Fasting: Days 15 & 16

Honestly, I feel a bit weird still including the word "fasting" in all this, since our food fasting really didn't happen. But I know it does still make sense because of our electronic fast, which has done so much more for us than I think a food fast would have at this point in our lives. And at least we tried it at first, and learned that it wasn't for us this time.

It's becoming more and more apparent that God is preparing us for change. Our relationship is strengthening and growing, which will be pretty vital in the things to come: stress of moving, being with my parents every day after being so far from them these past 7 years, Yubo going to Ei-chan's bachelor party. Ugh..... just thinking about it all..... and yet, God continues to confirm it each time I ask.

And just taking a moment to look back at what we've accomplished and acquired up here, Yubo strongly feels these are things that we're meant to bring back down to Cali.

As we near the end of the week, we're trying to not slack off on the time we dedicate to God. And we're both feeling like we should continue on with as much of this as we can after next Sunday. Starting our days together, staying close to God throughout the day, and ending our days with each other and in prayer.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 14

Two weeks with no electronic entertainment (except for last night)!

It's been surprisingly easy. And Yubo and I continue to see a difference in our relationships with God and each other.

We were late to church because my stomach was still causing problems, but made it for the majority of the message. The message and worship today felt a bit refreshed and revived -- a little more energy than we've been used to lately. So it was awesome to see that, and certainly praise God for what He's doing in our church in answer to our prayers and obedience to Him.

We shared a brief "God sighting" on video that will be used next week as Lighthouse celebrates 12 years. Then after lunch, we joined P.Nancy and Tina at a Cambodian church in Seattle.

When P.Nancy told me it was a Cambodian church, I thought it was an English-speaking church full of Cambodian people, just like how Lighthouse is predominantly Japanese-American. This was an actual Cambodian church, and it was really interesting/entertaining/fun to see God in this culture. We greeted people like I do at family gatherings. And hearing the language was nostalgic. Of course, everyone that learned that I was half wanted to know if I spoke or understood. Thank you, mom, for teaching me how to say, "I don't understand/speak." Another highlight was hearing my Cambodian name used, even though I really don't have a Cambodian name -- my aunt translated my Chinese name when I was younger and complaining that I didn't have a cool Cambodian name like my cousins.

I love hearing worship songs in different languages, and hearing a few familiar songs in Cambodian was no different. It really just amazes me how universal prayer and worship are.

I was sitting away from Yubo, so I didn't get to see his reactions through the service. He says he found it interesting.

Straight from there, we went right into small group, which was lively as usual, and filled with great discussion and learning. We really like this group, and it's sad that it's taken us this long to experience such a group. But I suppose we can say this is just God continuing to equip us with things and experiences to bring down with us to California (which, so far, is still confirmed).

It's early in the night, but we're both exhausted -- from a lot of good things, but still exhausted. Hoping to use some of the night for deeper prayer, but it may end up being another exception night.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 13

We slept through breakfast, deciding to just eat after acapella rehearsal.

Had a great time over lunch (technically, breakfast), getting deep into conversation about speaking in tongues. I learned a lot more about Yubo's faith, and felt closer to him through that understanding.

We took a nap, and although it was much needed for him, I struggled through bad dreams and felt horrible upon waking.

A bit later, my stomach started to really complain. So we decided to use the rest of the day to really rest. We used an exception and spent the night on the couch together watching anime, as Yubo wonderfully waited on me in my discomfort.

We wrapped up the night with a brief prayer in bed, and slept.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 10-12

Not too much to recount, either because not much happened, or I simply don't remember. So here are some brief highlights.

Wednesday
I got really sick from food poisoning or something, so I ended up spending the day resting. Didn't make Yubo breakfast, so asked him to make sure to get something himself.

I managed to go to the prayer gathering, where we prayed for the world, the country, and ourselves. I got cryptic visions from my two friends I was praying with. One got a vision of dish gloves transforming to heavy-duty work gloves, with the promise that God would provide these things for me. She also got Leviticus 19:22, "With the ram of the guilt offering the priest is to make atonement for him before the Lord for the sin he has committed, and his sin will be forgiven." The other got a vision of a sheet with large holes cut into it.

We have yet to really interpret it, but the front runners have to do with my role as a wife shifting... or just some domestic transition. I thought of the move down to California, and how that would mean I'd be working again.

The verse and the sheet may apply to our marriage somehow, or could have something to do with my dad. Or it could have nothing to do with anything.... like that fetus.

Thursday
I dragged myself out of bed to make Yubo breakfast, but didn't stay up with him. Went right back to bed until I had to go in to work. Had more work to do that anticipated, but got through it by temporarily adding "Hosanna Radio" to my boss' Pandora.

Friday
Again, I didn't get to make Yubo breakfast. Encouraged him to eat something healthy, specifically an apple, which he did not do.

I did some chores and projects around the house, worshiping and resting periodically, until it was time to go to the evening prayer gathering. SYTE kids were there -- man... I'm so bad with kids. I'm just really intimidated by them. Since I don't have a good sense of time and memory, especially regarding my own timeline, it's hard for me to remember how I was as a teenager or younger. And I suspect that when I talk to teens, I may use simpler words than I need to.... or come off as condescending. Yubo says I can come off like that to adults sometimes. How much worse is it, then, for impressionable young teens going through hormones!? Man.. I hope they don't hate me.

Anyway, I got through the hour.

Came home to Yubo eating the dinner he got for himself, listening to the new station I was trying out on Pandora. Eventually switched back to "Hosanna" because the songs coming up on the other station weren't really worship songs.

Yubo was getting restless, and started fussing with things. I asked if we could do something together, because I felt apart from him. Although he said he wouldn't be into reading or prayer, he agreed. So we decided to just start at the beginning of Mark, but our NIV translations were different. To see if we could reconcile translations, I went to grab my study bible.... and then decided to bring along my NKJV chronological study bible just for kicks.

We ended up reading each chapter between the two translations and all four gospels, and noting the differences. We only got through Jesus' temptation in the desert before Yubo got a little blip on his radio. Thankfully, he doesn't have to go out to a job.

We'll probably wrap up the night now, hopefully with prayer. Also hoping he doesn't get a call so he can come to acapella rehearsal tomorrow (even though he'll just be sitting in).

On a side note (sort of), it's been really awesome worshiping God through music throughout the entire day. It's a "different dynamic to life," I told Yubo. I know. That's pretty deep. Go ahead and let that sit for a while.




I feel like I won't need a "warm up" to worship on a Sunday morning anymore. Very basically, it just feels pretty amazing, and I certainly feel closer to God. Prayer is a bit harder, but not as hard as it normally would be.

Overall, as we get close to wrapping up this second week of prayer and fasting, it seems we're getting a lot of good out of it, and hopefully God is getting a whole lot of glory out of it.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 9

Yubo was able to come home early, and it was so good to spend time with him.

We got some things done around the house that I've wanted for a while, like install the iron caddy onto the closet door, and start packing another box for storage.

Then we just sat together with worship music on, talking about things that came to mind -- everything from church, our own worship styles and preferences, California -- and singing and sharing songs.

At the end of the night, we spent another hour or so praying specifically and discussing what came up. Some cryptic stuff, but a few more things became more clear.

Although we'll keep praying about several things, here are the main things we got from the night:

• God was pleased with what we were doing.
• But since we were doing this in such an usually free form, Yubo felt we needed to spend time in the Bible first in order for God to speak more clearly to us.
• Something about Cambodia (from Yubo) -- either a mission, or sponsoring a child, or perhaps the possible trip this October -- and how that might be the step to share the gospel with my family
• Something about a baby (the really cryptic one from me). I had a very heavy heart, and when I asked for clarification, I got one of those black and white images of a baby in a womb. My initial reaction was fear. When I asked for more clarification, I didn't get anything, and the heaviness eventually went away. Discussing this with Yubo, we have a number of theories:
• He really wants us to have a baby, [and isn't pleased with the birth control].
• He's telling us even if we try, we won't be able to have a baby.
• If we try, I may miscarry.
• It might be linked to Cambodia -- my heavy heart for the suffering and need over there, and how I wanted to sponsor a child a few years ago.

After trying to sort all of that out, we decided to end the night specifically focusing on California:

• Yes (from me)
• March (from Yubo)
• Working in or involved in the church again (from me), specifically worship (from Yubo)
• Nothing clear about whether Yubo should stick with plumbing or find another occupation until we're settled in the store (except for what we got above).
• My first few weeks to a month down there (assuming, since Yubo wasn't in the vision), I might start going to Evergreen and invite my mom to come to services with me (from me). Yubo saw us in Anaheim.

So Yubo says we'll plan for that for now, and continue to pray about it until the end of these 21 days.

I just think it's really cool what we did and what we got. Unfortunately, I question Yubo's faith more than I should. But being able to spend time with him this way really reveals to me who he is in his faith, and that he's not just spouting the "right answers" anymore.

God is so good and so faithful. He blesses us so much, and we're so thankful for that.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 8

It's always fun to see when God just lines things up. Yubo and I both had our own "connect-the-dots" moments on Monday.

Unfortunately, I don't completely remember what his was about. I'm so horrible at remembering things sometimes, and I'll be honest, I wasn't in a great mood with him when he started talking so I may have just been filtering him out. LoL. But it was something about the perceived complacency of our church, and that at least the leaders feel a stirring and want it, but might not necessarily know what to do about it.

Mine was a connection between what we felt Sunday morning that didn't happen, and what we were asked to pray about Monday evening at the prayer gathering. Sunday morning, we sang "Rescue," and I felt at some point that something needed to be said. It was a bit of a rough morning -- the congregation wasn't visibly responding to things, and I was concerned. But the song came and went, and we finished the set and the service. That was part of the discussion with P.Keith over lunch, and he felt that too. I emailed our team, and was confirmed to not be timid, and to take hold of those opportunities. Last night, we were asked to pray about proclaiming -- to be bold, to spread the good news. So my moment was God very clearly saying, "Stop holding back."


So we had our own moments, but I feel like we're not having too many moments as a couple. And that's unsettling for me. Just feeling that we're still really disjointed.

When Yubo came home last night, we were put in a weird mood. We both were slightly overreacting to an exchange we were having over when I should start taking my bc pills because I'm still on antibiotics. (I'm going to call my doctor today to clear things up.) Then I seemed to just be irritated by him in general.

However, we were actually able to resolve it by the end of the night fairly quickly. We addressed what happened, acknowledged our positions and feelings, and for the most part, sorted out and resolved things. Don't know if anything will come of it -- we touched on some things that are recurring issues -- but the hope is there that God will continue to guide us through our issues.

For Yubo, his irritant that night was how, yet again, I was not understanding what he was trying to explain to me. I suspected it might be because he'll launch into an explanation assuming I know/understand things he thinks I should. Then we realize that I don't, and he has to back track and re-explain things, and it just takes forever and we both get frustrated. So I told him to check in with me first the things he thinks I should know already. He said he didn't want to come off as sounding like he thinks I'm dumb, but I told him to just do that and let me clear up the things I do know. And I'll try not to be offended, and if I am, he'll try to not be upset by it.

My irritant was how he comes off as not caring about himself or his health. He has this nasty cough that won't let up, and he was complaining about needing a drink. I told him to drink something warm, and he just went straight for a Mountain Dew. When he's sick, he doesn't do things to take care of himself. He continues on as if he's not sick (soda, energy drinks, McDonald's), but complains that he's not getting better. And when I try to do things to take care of him, sometimes I feel brushed off (like him going for a Mt.Dew instead of something warm). He seemed receptive to that, so hopefully he'll be more aware of that as he continues to heal up. He indulged me (reluctantly) by gargling salt water before bed.

I think now that we're both, for the most part, feeling better, we'll be able to start focusing on coming together under God's will and seeking after Him together instead of just individually.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 6 and 7

I was talking to a dear friend at small group last night about our fasting and how it hasn't worked out the way we originally planned. She wanted me to make sure that I didn't view it as a complete failure. Rather, I need to remember how sick and horrible I felt, and remember that's how spiritually dependent I am on God, even if I might not feel the physical ailments as I did with the lack of food. I think I understood that for myself for the most part, but it was so good to hear it specifically and have it confirmed by someone that's strong and mature in her faith, and that I respect so highly.



On Saturday, we slept in. Yubo was out on that call, and didn't get home until about 1am. He still wasn't feeling well anyway, and thankfully, my acapella rehearsal got cancelled. So we rested. Went out to breakfast before taking me to the doctor. I learned that potato pancakes from Shari's are delicious, and seem simple enough to make (though I'll still look up a recipe).

We've decided to get me on birth control. So I'll be able to pick up my prescription after 3pm today, assuming the cost isn't ridiculous.

I talked with my doctor about the fasting and how I've been eating anywhere from 950-1200 calories a day. She said that it'll still be safe 'til the end of the 21 days, but that I shouldn't go longer than that.

She told me the weird bubble on my foot is called a ganglion cyst, and that I don't have to worry about it unless it starts to hurt or grow big that it gets in the way of things.

And Yubo and I both got Tdap vaccine shots.

After the doctor, Yubo went off and helped two people from church with some plumbing things. So the day was mostly filled with errands.


Sunday, it was a struggle to wake up. But God certainly answered my prayers that we would both feel well enough to sing. And although the congregation didn't seem very responsive, we did get some good feedback that some people were moved; another answered prayer that God would use us in that capacity.

Lunch with P.Keith was good. He confirmed things that he was seeing in our relationship, like a lack of tension that was there before. I think that's from starting and ending our days together like I always wanted. And P.Keith also confirmed that he feels the Lord is pleased with what we're doing, and wants to continue to bless us even more.

I ran a quick errand to Jo-Ann Fabrics for a project, and then we were off to small group, despite feeling pretty worn. Actually hit up a Starbucks on the way there for a little help.

Small group was fun -- this group really suits our style and what we always wanted out of a small group. It certainly helps to be in the same group as P.Barry. But aside from that, just the group dynamic and the depth that the studies go into really work for us. We do what I guess is called a manuscript style of studying, where we get print-outs of the passages we're focusing on so that we can mark it up with pens and highlighters.

We got that encouragement (that I mentioned at the start of this entry) from P.Barry's wife, Michele, and also learned about bible colleges. For a time, I wanted to go to seminary, until I learned that seminary is a grad school. But P.Barry and Michele told me that I could go to a bible college that would get me to a level where, depending on the church we end up at, it would be possible to eventually get into a position like a worship ministry director without needing to have the accreditation of a pastor.


So the weekend was productive and encouraging. Also, the medicine from the allergist seems to be working -- I'm certainly feeling much better than I was the beginning of the year. Yubo is still recovering from whatever it is he has, but also seems to be feeling better. I feel stronger in my prayers. And now we begin Week 2.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 5

I've officially completely veered off my food plan for this time of fasting. But I'm personally still finding the electronic entertainment fast to be much more beneficial and fulfilling in providing me more time with God.

I am still trying to eat healthier, though, and feeling sick (despite not really being sick) is certainly helping with that.

The latest tough thing is realizing that during this week, when Yubo and I want to be together the most, his work has been keeping us apart. Tonight is his on-call shift, and at 11pm, he is 1hr 40min away from home. Not entirely unusual, but he's been unusually busy during a fairly slow season; he's also supposed to be with me at a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Thankfully, it's an afternoon appointment. A discreet ploy from the enemy? Who knows? But in any case, I'm trying to not be discouraged by it, and instead am trying to keep Yubo in prayer. I don't do that often enough.

Finally managed to bring myself to one of the evening prayer gatherings at the church office, and so glad that I went. It really is such a difference being in a room, surrounded by people that are also praying fervently.

I'd like to reach that level of prayer on my own. Sometimes I'm just awkwardly embarrassed with myself.

I did a stream of consciousness kind of thing, and I think a lot of good stuff came out of that, prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Generally, I'm also feeling better. Took my first dose of stuff that the allergist gave me, and the actual nasal spray he prescribed (rather than the sample of something else). Still get a bit of a cough, and sniffling like crazy, but not as stuff up as often.

Yubo says he's just got a bit of scratchy throat left.

So an answered prayer in progress. Hoping our voices will be closer to 100% for Sunday morning.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 4

Another tough start. Yubo was supposed to wake up at 5:30am to go to a training meeting so he could make an inspection at 11am. When my alarm went off at 7:45am, he was still in bed.

Because I wasn't expecting him to eat breakfast, I didn't prepare anything. But I encouraged him to eat breakfast on his own. Hopefully he did.

My throat is sore and raw from the nasal spray the allergist gave me yesterday. It woke me up several times, and sent me into horrible coughing fits. So I texted Yubo that I would probably veer from my meal plan to foods that would soothe my throat.

I had ice cream for breakfast. LoL. Thankfully, we had a carton of lactose-free vanilla ice cream. Chicken noodle soup is on the stove right now. I probably won't add my usual Tabasco sauce to it, and have crackers for the extra bit of salt and substance.

"Hosanna" radio is turned up on my laptop as I type this, to focus my heart and mind on God instead of this scratchy throat and stuffy nose. I'm not sick. It's just these darn allergies. But my mind almost wants me to think that I'm sick. But I have to go in to work today. And I need to get those prescriptions from the allergist filled so I can alleviate these things. So I'm not going to let my mind pretend my body is sick and get me to stay home.

It sounds like an awkward thing to have to fight, but for me, it's not unusual. I've routinely used illness to get me out of doing all sorts of things, and instead, laze around at home. But not so this time. Just got to rewire my brain a little bit.

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 I left this to add more, but I don't remember what I wanted to write. I went to work, and we had worship rehearsal.

Yubo told me that he's just been feeling so exhausted, so that's why he'd kind of pushed prayer aside. He was also feeling overwhelmed by having such a busy weekend scheduled. So I sent him to bed, and I spent 15min on my knees praying for both of us and got a few answers. Unfortunately, they don't do too much to lighten Yubo's plans this weekend.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 3

A quick follow-up to the end of Day 2, Yubo had a late enough lunch, and was feeling horrible enough to want to go straight to bed. So he slept as I finished up his laundry, and worshiped silently in the living room to the wonderful music provided by the "Hosanna" station on my Pandora.

Day 3 started off pretty tough. Despite my prayers over him the previous night, Yubo was still feeling really sick, but forced himself out of bed to eat breakfast and go to work. He later told me that after he took a Dayquil, he started feeling better in the afternoon.

I got to see an allergist, who confirmed that I truly do have seasonal allergies (positive for tree, grass, and weed pollens), but couldn't confirm why I was getting them in winter. The only things that would affect me this season are dust mites and (surprise!) cats. Without getting draconian with me (his words), he prescribed a number of things that should help me manage. Also found pretty much nothing in food allergies, although we didn't test banana -- but apparently we tested cantaloupe and nothing happened (very very tiny reaction to watermelon, though).

Left: Food stuff; Right: Pollen stuff and other typical allergens

I don't know if it was just the doctor visit, but it was difficult for me all day to focus on God. I guess I'm not understanding how to go about a normal day and still keep God at the forefront of my mind. Do you just go about your day as usual, and turn your mind only to Him during those meal times (fasting or not), mornings, and evenings?

Yubo said it was easy for him Day 2 -- it was by the grace of God that he even made it through the day.

We've been praying for healing, and protection from further illness, but either our prayers aren't fervent enough, or for some reason, God wants to keep us feeling sick. Or at least, me. Maybe I use sickness as an excuse to not focus so well on Him, when in actuality, that's when I should be focusing completely on Him.

So far, I haven't been to any of the prayer gatherings at the church office. I'm encouraged that I'll be able to make it tomorrow night, though. 

Despite the ailments, I'm not completely discouraged. I mean, God placed me with my boss, who happened to know this great allergist that I never would have thought I'd needed. She also connected me with the doctor clinic she goes to, so I could finally see a doctor.

At our last small group meeting, we were told to think about the markers that showed God was working in our lives. For me, it's definitely been the people He's brought into my life that let me know that He's looking out for me.

During my dark times in high school, He gave me Archie and Akemi. In college, He gave me Yubo and his family. Up here in WA, He provided a home church for us that would be familiar enough to Yubo (through P.Wayne) that we'd want to go, even though we had several church options that were much closer. In the mess that was Fry's Electronics, He gave me Eric, Alex, Albert, and Mushi. In the dark times up here, He gave me so many people to surround myself with, including P.Keith, Rose, Sheryl, and Juliette -- people I could reach out to when I was finally ready to reach out. I never have to wonder about how God has blessed me because it's so easy to look around and see these faces and just know.

I suppose, though, that what I've mostly been doing during this time is just praising and worshiping Him. Not that those aren't good things to do, and I love spending all the freed up time I have doing that. But the seeking Him in prayer hasn't been happening as well as it should.

When Yubo and I come together in prayer, it's been pretty shallow and generic. And that's usually because we haven't set aside enough time for it; or how lately, we've just been feeling so sick that we just go to bed.

But we're still learning. And we have 18 more days to go.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 0-2

We were called to an all-church season of prayer and fasting. My initial response: Great! I'm planning on juice fasting anyway for the new year!

Since I was scheduled to coordinate on the two Sundays we were having classes on prayer and fasting, I made Yubo go in my stead. Awesome that he went, because he felt convicted that we needed to do this together.

Last Wednesday through Friday, we laid out our plans and intentions for these next 21 days.

WHY: To realign ourselves with God's will; To spend more time in communion with God and each other; (specifically, to gain wisdom and discernment regarding California, but we're keeping it open)

HOW: "Fast" from electronic entertainment that distracts us from God and each other.

• Morning: Breakfast for Yubo; Juice for Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Juice for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo and Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

I didn't want Yubo to fast from too many meals so that he could work properly. He doesn't have the luxury of being able to lighten his work load to accommodate the first weak days of an extended fast.

We wanted to start well and together, so last Sunday, I made arrangements to only coordinate 2nd service so that Yubo had a better chance of waking up on time for breakfast, and so I would have enough time to make breakfast and juice.

Then we were off to church, and actually made it early enough for me to check in with P.Keith.

The afternoon was filled with rushed errands. Yubo mistakenly fasted lunch. We ended up with just enough time to stay in Bellevue to head over to the first meeting of our new small group (I think we call them Discipleship Groups now). Yubo was cranky about it, and I had a headache, but we went.

At the end of small group, I scolded Yubo for sneaking a pot sticker while I was coming back from the restroom. After clarifying that he agreed to fast dinner (and not lunch), he kindly let me have a pot sticker to ease my headache.

On the way home, we ended up going to sushi for dinner. Day 1 became Day 0.

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Day 1 (take 2) started ok. I woke up on time to make Yubo breakfast, and make myself juice. After Yubo went off to work, I went back to bed. I actually ended up sleeping away A LOT of the day. After my afternoon juice, I was feeling nauseous with a horrible headache. Several cups of water and coconut water didn't help. I couldn't focus enough to even pray. Reading was impossible.

I started looking into the Daniel fast. What I got from when my head wasn't pounding was I already started off wrong. My motives for the food portion of the fast weren't right -- they were purely physical. I just wanted to lose weight. And I just wanted to throw myself off the deep end. I didn't really prepare myself very well to deal with the physical pains of fasting. It was astonishing to me how bad the first day was (twice).

When Yubo got home, I told him I was going to do a modified Daniel fast... or more like, just my own partial fast. What was the point if all I was going to do was sleep the day away? Where's the extra time with God then? My modifications would also enable a higher chance of success for being on my own at home.

I ended the night with chicken noodle soup, and Yubo had the juice I made.

• Morning: Breakfast and vitamins for Yubo and Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Fruits and veggies for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo; Soup for Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

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Day 2 seems to be going much more successfully for me. I have plenty of energy to go about the day, worshiping to music as I clean the house, and being able to sit and focus on God. I think the biggest benefit is coming from the electronic "fasting." So that's why I felt my food fast didn't need to be quite so strict -- the food fast is to be healthy and take care of the temple that is my body.

Despite now eating breakfast and lunch, Yubo's sick. Either he finally caught what was ailing me the first two weeks of this new year, or he hasn't been dressing for the chill of the season. It's been really, really cold.

I may have him join me for soup tonight instead of cold juice. And we can try to spend more time in prayer for him.


Anyway, I've read about journaling during fasts, and I think it'll be good for us to document how this goes since it's the first time doing something to this degree together.