Prayer & Fasting: Day 5

I've officially completely veered off my food plan for this time of fasting. But I'm personally still finding the electronic entertainment fast to be much more beneficial and fulfilling in providing me more time with God.

I am still trying to eat healthier, though, and feeling sick (despite not really being sick) is certainly helping with that.

The latest tough thing is realizing that during this week, when Yubo and I want to be together the most, his work has been keeping us apart. Tonight is his on-call shift, and at 11pm, he is 1hr 40min away from home. Not entirely unusual, but he's been unusually busy during a fairly slow season; he's also supposed to be with me at a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Thankfully, it's an afternoon appointment. A discreet ploy from the enemy? Who knows? But in any case, I'm trying to not be discouraged by it, and instead am trying to keep Yubo in prayer. I don't do that often enough.

Finally managed to bring myself to one of the evening prayer gatherings at the church office, and so glad that I went. It really is such a difference being in a room, surrounded by people that are also praying fervently.

I'd like to reach that level of prayer on my own. Sometimes I'm just awkwardly embarrassed with myself.

I did a stream of consciousness kind of thing, and I think a lot of good stuff came out of that, prompted by the Holy Spirit.

Generally, I'm also feeling better. Took my first dose of stuff that the allergist gave me, and the actual nasal spray he prescribed (rather than the sample of something else). Still get a bit of a cough, and sniffling like crazy, but not as stuff up as often.

Yubo says he's just got a bit of scratchy throat left.

So an answered prayer in progress. Hoping our voices will be closer to 100% for Sunday morning.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 4

Another tough start. Yubo was supposed to wake up at 5:30am to go to a training meeting so he could make an inspection at 11am. When my alarm went off at 7:45am, he was still in bed.

Because I wasn't expecting him to eat breakfast, I didn't prepare anything. But I encouraged him to eat breakfast on his own. Hopefully he did.

My throat is sore and raw from the nasal spray the allergist gave me yesterday. It woke me up several times, and sent me into horrible coughing fits. So I texted Yubo that I would probably veer from my meal plan to foods that would soothe my throat.

I had ice cream for breakfast. LoL. Thankfully, we had a carton of lactose-free vanilla ice cream. Chicken noodle soup is on the stove right now. I probably won't add my usual Tabasco sauce to it, and have crackers for the extra bit of salt and substance.

"Hosanna" radio is turned up on my laptop as I type this, to focus my heart and mind on God instead of this scratchy throat and stuffy nose. I'm not sick. It's just these darn allergies. But my mind almost wants me to think that I'm sick. But I have to go in to work today. And I need to get those prescriptions from the allergist filled so I can alleviate these things. So I'm not going to let my mind pretend my body is sick and get me to stay home.

It sounds like an awkward thing to have to fight, but for me, it's not unusual. I've routinely used illness to get me out of doing all sorts of things, and instead, laze around at home. But not so this time. Just got to rewire my brain a little bit.

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 I left this to add more, but I don't remember what I wanted to write. I went to work, and we had worship rehearsal.

Yubo told me that he's just been feeling so exhausted, so that's why he'd kind of pushed prayer aside. He was also feeling overwhelmed by having such a busy weekend scheduled. So I sent him to bed, and I spent 15min on my knees praying for both of us and got a few answers. Unfortunately, they don't do too much to lighten Yubo's plans this weekend.

Prayer & Fasting: Day 3

A quick follow-up to the end of Day 2, Yubo had a late enough lunch, and was feeling horrible enough to want to go straight to bed. So he slept as I finished up his laundry, and worshiped silently in the living room to the wonderful music provided by the "Hosanna" station on my Pandora.

Day 3 started off pretty tough. Despite my prayers over him the previous night, Yubo was still feeling really sick, but forced himself out of bed to eat breakfast and go to work. He later told me that after he took a Dayquil, he started feeling better in the afternoon.

I got to see an allergist, who confirmed that I truly do have seasonal allergies (positive for tree, grass, and weed pollens), but couldn't confirm why I was getting them in winter. The only things that would affect me this season are dust mites and (surprise!) cats. Without getting draconian with me (his words), he prescribed a number of things that should help me manage. Also found pretty much nothing in food allergies, although we didn't test banana -- but apparently we tested cantaloupe and nothing happened (very very tiny reaction to watermelon, though).

Left: Food stuff; Right: Pollen stuff and other typical allergens

I don't know if it was just the doctor visit, but it was difficult for me all day to focus on God. I guess I'm not understanding how to go about a normal day and still keep God at the forefront of my mind. Do you just go about your day as usual, and turn your mind only to Him during those meal times (fasting or not), mornings, and evenings?

Yubo said it was easy for him Day 2 -- it was by the grace of God that he even made it through the day.

We've been praying for healing, and protection from further illness, but either our prayers aren't fervent enough, or for some reason, God wants to keep us feeling sick. Or at least, me. Maybe I use sickness as an excuse to not focus so well on Him, when in actuality, that's when I should be focusing completely on Him.

So far, I haven't been to any of the prayer gatherings at the church office. I'm encouraged that I'll be able to make it tomorrow night, though. 

Despite the ailments, I'm not completely discouraged. I mean, God placed me with my boss, who happened to know this great allergist that I never would have thought I'd needed. She also connected me with the doctor clinic she goes to, so I could finally see a doctor.

At our last small group meeting, we were told to think about the markers that showed God was working in our lives. For me, it's definitely been the people He's brought into my life that let me know that He's looking out for me.

During my dark times in high school, He gave me Archie and Akemi. In college, He gave me Yubo and his family. Up here in WA, He provided a home church for us that would be familiar enough to Yubo (through P.Wayne) that we'd want to go, even though we had several church options that were much closer. In the mess that was Fry's Electronics, He gave me Eric, Alex, Albert, and Mushi. In the dark times up here, He gave me so many people to surround myself with, including P.Keith, Rose, Sheryl, and Juliette -- people I could reach out to when I was finally ready to reach out. I never have to wonder about how God has blessed me because it's so easy to look around and see these faces and just know.

I suppose, though, that what I've mostly been doing during this time is just praising and worshiping Him. Not that those aren't good things to do, and I love spending all the freed up time I have doing that. But the seeking Him in prayer hasn't been happening as well as it should.

When Yubo and I come together in prayer, it's been pretty shallow and generic. And that's usually because we haven't set aside enough time for it; or how lately, we've just been feeling so sick that we just go to bed.

But we're still learning. And we have 18 more days to go.

Prayer & Fasting: Days 0-2

We were called to an all-church season of prayer and fasting. My initial response: Great! I'm planning on juice fasting anyway for the new year!

Since I was scheduled to coordinate on the two Sundays we were having classes on prayer and fasting, I made Yubo go in my stead. Awesome that he went, because he felt convicted that we needed to do this together.

Last Wednesday through Friday, we laid out our plans and intentions for these next 21 days.

WHY: To realign ourselves with God's will; To spend more time in communion with God and each other; (specifically, to gain wisdom and discernment regarding California, but we're keeping it open)

HOW: "Fast" from electronic entertainment that distracts us from God and each other.

• Morning: Breakfast for Yubo; Juice for Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Juice for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo and Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

I didn't want Yubo to fast from too many meals so that he could work properly. He doesn't have the luxury of being able to lighten his work load to accommodate the first weak days of an extended fast.

We wanted to start well and together, so last Sunday, I made arrangements to only coordinate 2nd service so that Yubo had a better chance of waking up on time for breakfast, and so I would have enough time to make breakfast and juice.

Then we were off to church, and actually made it early enough for me to check in with P.Keith.

The afternoon was filled with rushed errands. Yubo mistakenly fasted lunch. We ended up with just enough time to stay in Bellevue to head over to the first meeting of our new small group (I think we call them Discipleship Groups now). Yubo was cranky about it, and I had a headache, but we went.

At the end of small group, I scolded Yubo for sneaking a pot sticker while I was coming back from the restroom. After clarifying that he agreed to fast dinner (and not lunch), he kindly let me have a pot sticker to ease my headache.

On the way home, we ended up going to sushi for dinner. Day 1 became Day 0.

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Day 1 (take 2) started ok. I woke up on time to make Yubo breakfast, and make myself juice. After Yubo went off to work, I went back to bed. I actually ended up sleeping away A LOT of the day. After my afternoon juice, I was feeling nauseous with a horrible headache. Several cups of water and coconut water didn't help. I couldn't focus enough to even pray. Reading was impossible.

I started looking into the Daniel fast. What I got from when my head wasn't pounding was I already started off wrong. My motives for the food portion of the fast weren't right -- they were purely physical. I just wanted to lose weight. And I just wanted to throw myself off the deep end. I didn't really prepare myself very well to deal with the physical pains of fasting. It was astonishing to me how bad the first day was (twice).

When Yubo got home, I told him I was going to do a modified Daniel fast... or more like, just my own partial fast. What was the point if all I was going to do was sleep the day away? Where's the extra time with God then? My modifications would also enable a higher chance of success for being on my own at home.

I ended the night with chicken noodle soup, and Yubo had the juice I made.

• Morning: Breakfast and vitamins for Yubo and Mochi; Prayer/Devotional/Scripture
• Afternoon: Yubo eats lunch on his own; Fruits and veggies for Mochi; (P/D/S) Errands/Chores/Work
• Evening: Juice for Yubo; Soup for Mochi; P/D/S/Worship/Mark study

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Day 2 seems to be going much more successfully for me. I have plenty of energy to go about the day, worshiping to music as I clean the house, and being able to sit and focus on God. I think the biggest benefit is coming from the electronic "fasting." So that's why I felt my food fast didn't need to be quite so strict -- the food fast is to be healthy and take care of the temple that is my body.

Despite now eating breakfast and lunch, Yubo's sick. Either he finally caught what was ailing me the first two weeks of this new year, or he hasn't been dressing for the chill of the season. It's been really, really cold.

I may have him join me for soup tonight instead of cold juice. And we can try to spend more time in prayer for him.


Anyway, I've read about journaling during fasts, and I think it'll be good for us to document how this goes since it's the first time doing something to this degree together.

Sinking in.

It's so weird. When I think back on our move up from Cali, I don't remember it being so difficult. I remember the pain of seeing my dad cry when we finished packing my stuff into the truck. And crying after we got up here as I was reading a card from Akemi. But other than that, I don't remember it being difficult. Of course, I can read back to the entry I wrote about it back in 2009 when I started this blog and know that it really was a hard time for me.

But it was decided. Back then, I was following the man I love to a new life. I wasn't really conflicted. Despite the fear of leaving everything I ever knew, I at least had Yubo.

After 7 years up here in WA, it feels the same.... perhaps worse.

We had pushed up my moving time frame to the middle of March, because if I'm supposed to find a place for us to live first, my leaving needs to be a decent amount of time away from when Yubo wants to leave (beginning of April). Otherwise, we might was well just leave together and somehow manage at our parents' houses until we find a place of our own. Too stressful, though, with three cats.

I was updating our Google calendar to remove bill reminders that we wouldn't need anymore after April, and making sure I didn't accidentally schedule something important. It was vaguely unsettling that I only had to click through three months.

I also asked Yubo to email Ei-chan's wedding party to see if any progress has been made for the date of the bachelor party. Ideally, we'd be mostly settled somewhere in Cali so that Yubo can focus his attentions on attending his brother.

As I let Yubo take over my laptop to send the email (his was preoccupied with the game he was playing), it started sinking in. I started thinking, It's actually coming up pretty fast. As soon as the new year hits, I'm leaving in 2.5 months. Well, even if I'm not quite emotionally ready, I can at least be logistically/practically ready...

2.5 months.

Then it really hit me. I still don't want to go.

For some reason, after 7 years, I'm feeling like I'm in the same place I was 7 years ago. I'm leaving everything that I know to some foreign place. I'm out of touch with so many of my friends, many of them either no longer in MPK (which doesn't entirely matter since we'll more than likely be somewhere around Northridge) or with other circles of friends that I don't know. Aztec Singers has an established choreographer. Everyone has moved on, just as I have up here.

We'll have to find a new church and build up connections and relationships from scratch again. I'll have to shift gears from being so involved in church to being a newbie again. No worship team, no coordinating, no planning.

It feels more difficult than it was 7 years ago because I've grown deep roots here. Down in Cali, I was still young. I didn't really have anything established. I was growing up and wanting to learn how to be an adult on my own (sort of).

Up here, I've learned what I'm worth. I've learned to confide in people I trust. I've learned that I'm actually pretty good at the things I do. I've learned that I'm pretty darn happy up here... despite the weather and S.A.D. and streets that don't make sense.

And I remember, that even in all that California sun, I dealt with depression. And I'm scared to go back to that. I'm scared to be further reminded of who I was back then. But I have to know that fear is not from God. These are things that are being amplified in my head to possibly try and keep me from where God really wants me now (or soon).


After I cried to Yubo for a bit and told him how I was feeling (just as he started typing up the email), he even offered to stay. But I told him, no. Things are already in place. Things are already moving. And God already firmly told us to go. Even though He hasn't given us a clearer time frame, He hasn't retracted that statement to go. And I'm actually feeling like the things we needed to do up here are done. So we have to trust Him to lead us to what He has in store for us next.

Getting Healthy: Juice. First two recipes.

We got a juicer for a great price off of Craigslist. I was interested in juicing before, but became even more interested after watching "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead." The movie/documentary came up in a lot of the the articles and pages I was reading about juicing.

The plan was to replace at least one soda a day with fresh juice. Honestly, I haven't been so consistent, but I do recognize that inconsistency isn't something to get discouraged about. Just need to keep trying. And I do feel better on the days that I do have juice.

Anyway, I thought I'd list some recipes here so that I don't lose or forget them.

Recipe #1: Carrot-Apple-Celery
Nice and simple, and I have no problem with the fruits or veggies in their natural form -- meaning, I would already willingly eat them. Figured that would be the best way to ease me into a juice.

2 carrots
2 Granny Smith apples
1-2 stalks celery

I originally started with 2 stalks of celery, but the taste and aroma were pretty strong. So, although I haven't tried it yet, the next time I make it I will probably take the celery down to one. Also found that I preferred Granny Smith to Gala apples for this one.

Recipe #2: Not-so-Mean Green
I gave it this name because it's not the traditional recipe.

3 handfuls baby spinach
2 cucumbers
1 stalk celery
3 Granny Smith apples
1 peeled lemon

The kale that Yubo bought turned up with a snail or something -- enough to freak us both out to not use it. I didn't use parsley because I don't care for it, and added the celery because it's refreshing. One recipe I found asked for two lemons -- just using one was more than enough. I might even go to half next time. Anyway, overall happy with the way this recipe turned out. Really refreshing.

Babe.

I give nicknames to the majority of my friends. I suppose it's because I want them to know that they are special to me, and to hope that in turn, I am special to them (e.g. I'm the only one that calls them that).

Sometimes I wonder if it's annoying to them, but whatever. LoL.

So we know that Yubo calls me "Mochi," and that nickname has spread to some of his friends and family, which I don't mind. It does make it entertaining when someone is talking about mochi (pounded rice cake), and I think they are talking about me. But I suppose it started to feel less endearing.

I mentioned in a FB status a while ago how after two years, I still get a bit giddy when I hear him talking to someone else and refer to me as, "my wife." My theory is that it's because we're so comfortable and casual in our relationship, and that we're really horrible at being sweet and romantic with each other -- one of us (and honestly, usually it's me) will ruin the mood with a weird face or a joke.

Recently, we had a mini fight that I thought would be worse than it was. I actually told Yubo that I didn't believe that he comes home to me -- rather, that he comes home to games and his teammates, or simply to get away from his job. He went to bed really early that night, and then I didn't get to see him for about two days after that because work got crazy.

Somehow, it mostly resolved itself. And at some point one night, I asked him if he would try calling me "babe" or "baby" because our other nicknames for each other weren't sexy (I call him "bub" or "bubba"). He probably thought I was being crazy, but he humored me, and actually nonchalantly threw it out there.... and I got really giddy.

For some reason, just that little endearment made me feel like we started over, like we were in a new relationship with each and just started dating. Somehow, encapsulated in that little word, he makes me feel special, wanted, sexy, treasured. Even though loads of couples all over the world use that same word, it manages to mean something like that to me. Heck, we use "babe" and "baby" as nicknames for Tifa! But it's said in a different tone, and really does have a different meaning behind it.

He probably hasn't thought about any of this when he uses the word -- he just knows that it makes me giggle and blush, and that I like it. But on top of all that, lately he'll come home and greet me before he sits at his laptop or the TV. I don't know how long this will last, but be sure that I am reveling in it.

It really is surprising how such a seemingly insignificant adjustment can mean so much.