Restaurant Secured.

Just wanted to update that my mom told me my dad secured the restaurant. So here's hoping (and praying) that we can get a church for that date. I wonder if I should start calling churches before visiting, or see if any arrangements need to be made for visiting. Or perhaps I should ask Yubo's parents to pre-visit churches...?

Also, a fun fact that I remembered while reading the previous posts: If a winter wedding were possible, we were considering January 9th so we wouldn't have to remember a new date. If we did that, we would have shared our anniversary with his parents.

Another Wedding Idea.

We were thinking about how people have videos or picture slideshows about how the couple got together or whatever. We thought it'd be really neat to have one or both of his cousins (Chiemi and Miyeko -- I think that's how they spell it) create a manga version of that for us to have at each table for people to read if they wish.

On that note, we want our cake topper to be anime/manga versions of us drawn in milk chocolate on a sheet of white chocolate. ^_^

Recovering and Learning.

So the deadline thing about updating was missed, and yet here's an update. The deadline was actually his request; he says he works better with deadlines... it helps him figure out just how long he can procrastinate. But then he requested to just keep this blog up. I suppose a part of me thinks continuing with it will be helpful for us. The whole point for me was so we had something to look back on from time to time. And writing those first few entries were fun... I got to revisit those fun memories.

There are times when I get so upset that I simply forget how I ever was attracted to him in the first place. I was asked by someone how I knew Yubo was the one I wanted to marry. I replied with something along the lines of, "I get frustrated with him a lot, but when I just get over myself and see past the frustration, I know that God made him to be my provision." He's someone that I simply need in my life. When I'm angry, irritated, frustrated, etc, it's very easy to forget that. I think the key is to be able to remember during hard times.

Yes, there are things that we haven't figured out yet. But we always recover from our fights and step into a stronger relationship with each other. I've learned to let him know calmly when I need to cool off, or when I'm not in the proper mindset to talk with him. When I actually put that into practice, we both come out better. It helps me to understand the situation better, and it helps him to gather his thoughts to present them in a more coherent manner. Makes it easier to actually work through our problems and get closer to a solution.

It's exciting to think that we're slowly but surely evolving past our cold war ways. I'm learning to not hold onto a grudge for days at a time. He's learning to actually talk to me during a tense situation instead of bottling up, which made things worse for me. Of course we have our moments of slipping into our old ways, but I do think we're getting better about it.

----------
The Story
----------
This is kind of what sparked the previous entry and Sunday's entry. I don't think this is a necessary read, so if you don't care for my extensive explanations of situations and rants you're welcome to stop reading this entry now. =)

I had quite a blow up last Saturday night. We had just spent an awesome day hanging out and shopping for new clothes for him. On the way home, Archie called me -- it was past 1:00a her time, so I figured it was something important. I wanted to be able to give her as much of my undistracted time as she needed, so that made me want to stay home instead of go to Julie's as I had originally planned for that night.

I was expecting to stay up until at least 12:00a or so talking with her. When I sleep at Julie's, I try to wake up at 9:00a to get home by 9:30a and finish getting ready by 10:00a so we have lots of time to get breakfast. Since Yubo had slept perhaps an hour in the last day, I didn't expect him to wake up and be ready by 10:00a (which is our deal if he wants to get breakfast before church). So I was also trying to prepare myself for having to wake him up (which takes about half an hour, which means I would've had to wake up even earlier).

I told Archie I'd call her back because I was driving (at night without bluetooth). When we got home and I mentioned my intention to Yubo, he threw me some attitude. I was getting ready to put my phone on it's charger and set myself up in the living room for a good talk. When he started asking me why I was paying $300 for a room at Julie's, that pushed me over the edge. Reason was that I didn't feel like I was trying to find excuses to stay home. Every time I do stay home, I feel my reasoning is valid (usually I'm too tired, or sick, or both -- which has been the case since we got back from the church retreat).

Really, he was right. I shouldn't have tried to stay home. But a few days earlier, we had a similar spat. That coupled with how unaware he is about his tone sometimes made me snap. I threw my charger to the ground, barked, "Fine, I'll go!" and slammed the door on my way out.

I set up my bluetooth and called Archie back. Talked to her as I drove, and stayed in the car when I got to Julie's to finish our conversation. The walls in Julie's house are kinda thin, so I didn't want to be inconsiderate to anyone sleeping. Ended the call around 11:30p cuz she needed to get to sleep. I got to vent a little bit to her. Unfortunately, I still didn't get to sleep until around 3:30a because Julie's youngest and his gf were in the room next door talking nearly full voice until about 3:00a. Speaking of being inconsiderate of those that may be sleeping.

So that made Sunday a tough day.... moreso than usual. I didn't arrive home until 10a that morning. Of course, Yubo was still sleeping. We didn't leave until 10:30a. I didn't even want to fight about breakfast, so we got breakfast and were late to church.

We were able to talk about what happened, and I think we've moved on from it. I don't really think it'll get any easier from now on, but I think now we have a better idea of how to better handle any similar situations.

Conflict Management.

Mochi's version.
From where I stand, conflict management is non-existent in our relationship.

I'll be honest that I've been having a very difficult time letting go of past hurts, especially with recurring ones. I feel like all we do is talk... or really, all I do is talk... and nothing happens to resolve things. I also feel like Yubo isn't really meeting me to make any resolutions. I know that I can only do so much on my part, but since I don't feel like he's doing much on his I find myself wanting to control him -- to force him to sit down and solve this problem with me when he may need more time.

Of course, a rather big issue is my lack of trust in him. I feel like even if I try to give him the time he needs to think about something, I fear it'll actually slip his mind and that he really isn't thinking about the issue at all.

In this relationship, I have to deal with why I hate group projects. I guess that's kind of my view on life and relationships. They are an ongoing project. Unfortunately, I can't help but feel I have a slacker as a partner. And I'm not saying that's really true, but it sure does feel like it sometimes. Despite understanding that it's ok to be different, and that God made us to balance each other out, there are too many times where I forget that. Those are the times, like now, where I really start to wonder about how well we will work out.

Don't get me wrong. I love Yubo. I really do. I just can't get past these emotional hang ups. This is where I really need the Lord's help, and Yubo's help.

I felt like today's message in church was all for me. Pastor Wayne was talking about good and bad relationships. An acronym that he used for bad relationships was CURSE.... talking about curseful relationships.

Controlling
Unforgiving
Reactive
Shaming
Ego-centric... or something like that. Fancy word for "selfish," he said.

I know I can be controlling. Something I've been struggling with since it dawned on me how controlling I can be.

I'm still holding on to past hurts, like I said earlier. There are a lot of things that I haven't forgiven.

Reactive is kind of like eye for an eye. He has to love me first before I can love him. If he hurts me, I hurt him back. I've talked to Yubo about this when we were studying Love Languages and love tanks. Considering love tanks, I'm usually running low or empty because he doesn't love me in my primary language enough.

Shaming is another way to control. I've been told (by J and Yubo) that I am really good at making people feel bad.

And I do find that I can be awfully selfish, as if the problems in our relationship are only affecting me. I honestly do feel like that sometimes, especially when he shuts down. I get the impression that he just doesn't want to deal with me, rather than he might be hurting also.

So I can recognize all these things. I'm really good at pointing out problems. Overcoming them is a whole other thing because he needs to be beside me in all of this, and I feel a little abandoned when it comes to problem-solving. It's just that we're so different when it comes to conflict. He runs from it, and I'm chasing after him with demands to solve it.

I pray we can come to a happy medium more often in our relationship than not. I pray we can get over ourselves and keep Christ at the center, and step up to the roles that God has laid out for us.

I don't know if his version is going to come for this. I gave him until tomorrow night to write his first entry before this blog gets left alone. I figure if you guys still want to get only my side of things, visit my dj once in a while.