The dress discussion continues.

My apologies if I already posted something similar with this information.

I was able to talk more with my mom about the whole dress thing. Turns out that the going rate for renting bridesmaid dresses is about $100 already, so we are finally set on just buying their dresses. We're (or at least I'm) looking specifically at this design in floor length, and in dark brown (or espresso, as their coloring is called). Archie says she's positive she'll look amazing in it, and would definitely wear it again cuz she loves brown. I also think Alex and Akemi would look great. Need to drag Alex into the store to try it on.

My mom argued with me a little bit about this. She told me she has never in her life seen bridesmaids in brown. She tried to sway me to peach or purple or something like that. I told her that I felt in the color scheme of cream, pink, and dark brown, a rich dark brown would be the most flattering. We just need to make sure the dresses are made with good material so they don't look like poo.

Then we got to talking about my dress. Yubo's parents are telling me that their seamstress friend (who did all the dresses for her own daughter's wedding this year) is excited to do it, but is really tied down with making the Nutcracker costumes for the dance studio that she and Mrs.Crumly work at. I told my mom about my convertible dress idea, and she seemed horrified that I wanted to wear something more of a cocktail dress (short) than an evening gown (long) at the reception. Again, she said she has never seen a bride in a short dress at a wedding.

For both dress reactions, I told her that was because she's only ever been to Chinese or Cambodian weddings. =P I think she would have died if I told her there are brides out there with black bridesmaids dresses (and even black wedding gowns in some cases). We'll see about the length of the reception dress. I like it short for a more spring feel, and also for ease of movement. I think it will also keep me from feeling huge when I have the larger skirt for the church on top.

I will be in L.A. for a week in January to try to finalize a bakery, photographer, videographer, and dress things. Hoping to get as much done as I want to.

Mmm.... drama.

It had been a while since my last break down with Yubo, so I figured it was about time for another one.

We've put our premarital counseling sessions on hold because we all got so busy, Pastor Wayne included. We've talked about trying to at least get a session in before Christmas, so I wanted to get more homework done. With the homework done, we'd be able to just jump into a session whenever available and not have to put off anything anymore.

There was a Couple's Project from the last session, Roles and Responsibilities, that we still needed to complete. It is a Roles Position Statement, about what we agree our roles should be when we're married.

The next session is Money, Money, Money. I was really excited about this one because it had charts in the Couple's Project for us to figure out a budget. I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but Yubo never had the time to just sit with me and go over it.

As we started going through the homework, Yubo remained distracted by the TV. I got frustrated because his attitude told me that none of this was important at all. I eventually left the living room to hang out with the cats in the bedroom. When after a long while he didn't come find me, I came back out and asked if anything more discussion was going to happen. He pointed out that I just got up and left. I told him that I was feeling ignored and had nothing else to do (especially since he started getting more and more interested in the commercials), and was also wondering where the cats were.

The tension was obvious. He tried to escape by offering to get food. As he got up, I threw out that we needed to find a way to not hate each other. He ended up sitting back down and explaining his position. The homework to him was tedious and unimportant, although he did recognize that the discussions were important.

I told him that nothing in his attitude or approach made it seem like anything in what we were doing was important, which -- as often happens with girls -- made me feel like I and we were not important. That turned into an outpouring of how ignored I was feeling for the past couple of days. I started crying. Blah blah blah. I mentioned that I hated feeling like this break down would make things better for a while before he reverted back to the way he usually is and the cycle continues.

After all that, I ended up leaving to get food. I knew he needed me to be away for a while, and I knew he was hungry. So was I, especially after all that crying. Afterwards, it calmed down a little bit. I still felt tension but tried not to show it. I think since I did that, he was able to feel like everything was ok.

We managed to get through the Money^3 homework. He was still distracted, but I was able to contain my frustration.

It's difficult for me to not apply his actions to other aspects of our relationship, even though they're not related. I tend to take things too far in my head. Even now, thinking about his procrastination, I wonder if he would never have proposed to me until I was about to leave him. That really has nothing to do with putting off homework, but that's how my mind works. Ridiculous extremes. I'm working on it, though. At least I don't say these things out loud as often as I used to. And now I can tell myself how retarded it is to even think like that.

Ugh. We'll get through it. I just really wanted to resolve more things before we actually get married rather than have to continue to work on them after the fact. There's him procrastinating and me wanting to get things done asap. A happy medium is somewhere in there.