Full disclosure, and Communication Styles.

Read books or ask anyone about what is important in a relationship, and you'll find a whole lot of talk about communication.

Like many couples, Yubo and I have struggled with this. If you've been keeping up with this blog, I mentioned it in an earlier entry.

A brief update: We're still working on it, and we've actually gotten much better at it. Yubo has been putting more of an effort to listen and respond to me, and I've grown in my patience with him. I don't get in such a huff anymore if he doesn't hear me the first time because he's playing a game or something.

I've become more aware of when I say things. I noticed that I would often choose the worst times to talk to him about something "important." It was my way of competing with what he was doing. I was asking him to listen to me at the climax of a television episode, or in the middle of a big boss battle, and expecting him to stop everything he was doing just to listen to me. It became much easier for both of us when I would let him know that there was something I wanted to ask him or talk about, and request he pause as soon as he could (or I would wait for a commercial). So far that's been working for us really well. There are still some instances that come up, but I think now we're handling the situation better.

Anyhow, all of that really doesn't have anything to do with what I wanted this entry to be. I just wanted to touch base on that entry since I'm talking about communication.

For this entry, I wanted to mention that Yubo and I really can talk about anything. Or more like, I can talk to him about anything -- I don't know if he feels the same, but he's usually willing to humor me. Rarely do I find myself too embarrassed to talk to him about something, and we've talked about some pretty awkward things. I've also asked him to help me out with some really awkward things, but he's been awesome enough to not balk at any of my strange requests or topics.

I feel really thankful and blessed to have someone that I can say anything to. I suppose it's because he's come to know me and love me for who I am. I describe myself as someone that is a huge advocate for honesty in a relationship (although, to be perfectly honest, I still fib to my parents... I think it's become ingrained) and is unable to sugarcoat. I don't think I'm harsh, but there are many things that I don't know how to say in a nice way. I suppose blunt is a good word for it. You will often find most of my criticisms preceded with, "Please don't take this the wrong way," or, "Not to sound mean/rude..." People at church have told me that I am brave for sharing about my life and experiences as candidly as I do (I just think it might help someone else to be as open as I am). I guess because I am the way I am, I tend to expect others to be like I am, at least with me. Not much offends or surprises me. Because of that, I feel no one needs to be embarrassed around me when sharing about themselves.

The same applies to Yubo. I've told him that I want him to be as honest with me as I am with him. He, however, is very much the opposite when it comes to these things, especially because his nature is to diffuse conflict and not risk creating it. He's been better with me than he was, but he still can't be blunt with me. Even when he tries to be, his tone is apologetic. The somewhat new issue we're running into now is that he's been so nice before that it would be difficult to take him seriously when he wants to be blunt and firm.

We've concluded that we need to help each other reach a middle ground. I've recognized that I need to learn how to soften my approach to things, especially since I tend to sound condescending when I try and that only makes things worse. And Yubo recognizes that he needs to not be too nice so people can take him seriously when he needs them to, myself included. We explore how we can do this mostly when we discuss how we plan to raise our children. Thankfully, Yubo has been open to allowing me to pre-plan what I can when it comes to parenting. But we know how we can balance each other when we have to deal with our children, and as we continue to discuss it, we've already begun the process of balancing each other in this way.