Fears/Concerns.

In my bit of distress, I started reading "Traits of a Lasting Marriage," a book someone gave us. The more I read, the more I want Yubo to read so we can share thoughts, discuss, and work on our marriage.

However, I'm not sure if I will ever actually propose my desired study to him. He didn't care to read "Men are from Mars...," barely skimmed "5 Love Languages," and did the very minimum of our premarital homework. It's not just that he doesn't like reading all that much, but he doesn't seem to see the point or benefit if these kinds of books.

It's actually a little hurtful that he won't put any effort into these things, even if I tell him they're important to me. If he thinks it's dumb, he might put in just enough effort to get it over with, or will put it off enough that I give up (usually the latter).

I've tried to stop making such requests, and I'm not nagging him so much. For instance, I didn't force him out of bed to go to church, so we ended up not going. I didn't ask him several times to turn down the volume of his game because I wanted to get to sleep. I ended up just staying awake and reading instead.

Am I loosening up and trying to work with him and accept him, or am I allowing him to walk over me? I'm still very lost on any sort of concept of give and take in a relationship. Any amount of "give" that I give, I tend to feel I'm being taken for granted. Any bit I want to "take," I feel selfish and undeserving (well, sometimes I feel deserving but am denied).

There's a balance in there somewhere, and I'm nowhere close to finding it on my own, much less with him alongside me.

It's really frustrating. I continue to feel like we're in two separate and very different relationships. And it often comes up that he's happy and satisfied while I'm not, and I simply can't understand how that is possible and how he doesn't see that something is wrong.

Ignorance is bliss? Maybe for him. Surely not for me.