Mmm.... drama.

It had been a while since my last break down with Yubo, so I figured it was about time for another one.

We've put our premarital counseling sessions on hold because we all got so busy, Pastor Wayne included. We've talked about trying to at least get a session in before Christmas, so I wanted to get more homework done. With the homework done, we'd be able to just jump into a session whenever available and not have to put off anything anymore.

There was a Couple's Project from the last session, Roles and Responsibilities, that we still needed to complete. It is a Roles Position Statement, about what we agree our roles should be when we're married.

The next session is Money, Money, Money. I was really excited about this one because it had charts in the Couple's Project for us to figure out a budget. I've been wanting to do that for a long time, but Yubo never had the time to just sit with me and go over it.

As we started going through the homework, Yubo remained distracted by the TV. I got frustrated because his attitude told me that none of this was important at all. I eventually left the living room to hang out with the cats in the bedroom. When after a long while he didn't come find me, I came back out and asked if anything more discussion was going to happen. He pointed out that I just got up and left. I told him that I was feeling ignored and had nothing else to do (especially since he started getting more and more interested in the commercials), and was also wondering where the cats were.

The tension was obvious. He tried to escape by offering to get food. As he got up, I threw out that we needed to find a way to not hate each other. He ended up sitting back down and explaining his position. The homework to him was tedious and unimportant, although he did recognize that the discussions were important.

I told him that nothing in his attitude or approach made it seem like anything in what we were doing was important, which -- as often happens with girls -- made me feel like I and we were not important. That turned into an outpouring of how ignored I was feeling for the past couple of days. I started crying. Blah blah blah. I mentioned that I hated feeling like this break down would make things better for a while before he reverted back to the way he usually is and the cycle continues.

After all that, I ended up leaving to get food. I knew he needed me to be away for a while, and I knew he was hungry. So was I, especially after all that crying. Afterwards, it calmed down a little bit. I still felt tension but tried not to show it. I think since I did that, he was able to feel like everything was ok.

We managed to get through the Money^3 homework. He was still distracted, but I was able to contain my frustration.

It's difficult for me to not apply his actions to other aspects of our relationship, even though they're not related. I tend to take things too far in my head. Even now, thinking about his procrastination, I wonder if he would never have proposed to me until I was about to leave him. That really has nothing to do with putting off homework, but that's how my mind works. Ridiculous extremes. I'm working on it, though. At least I don't say these things out loud as often as I used to. And now I can tell myself how retarded it is to even think like that.

Ugh. We'll get through it. I just really wanted to resolve more things before we actually get married rather than have to continue to work on them after the fact. There's him procrastinating and me wanting to get things done asap. A happy medium is somewhere in there.